Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about...

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 15:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 541

You deserved it 11 824

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By thetalkingvagina - 09/06/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 910

You deserved it 18 538

Turn off

By no no no - 21/03/2023 02:00

Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 311

By Wawawiwa - 21/07/2010 23:44 - Namibia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 828

You deserved it 53 764

No gods, no masters

By anon - 31/07/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 368

You deserved it 34 710

By jokersgirl - 21/05/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 278

You deserved it 876

Not now, Yoda

By iwassoclose - 10/04/2013 16:32 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 776

You deserved it 8 807

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 306

You deserved it 2 763

Valid reason

By stephhh055 - 21/10/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 487

You deserved it 267

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 769

You deserved it 4 441

Creepy

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 21:22 - Canada

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 046

You deserved it 50 911

Harpy20 24

Friday 12 April 2013 19:04

"I was born in darkness..."

JustKittyKat 24

Friday 12 April 2013 19:04

Why haven't you closed your legs yet? I feel as if this implies that OP is laying there with her legs open as her boyfriend plays bane with her ****** mask.

Comments

perdix 29

Friday 12 April 2013 20:30

You should have figured out the sex was over about 29-1/2 minutes ago.

mattorama 15

Friday 12 April 2013 20:39

You have a guy who's happy to go down on your snatch, and you're bitching about it? Uhh....

valalvax 13

Friday 12 April 2013 20:44

Iuhno, I've stopped a few times when it was obvious we weren't getting anywhere, but we've been trying lots of new/different things and have succeeded in achieving some pretty amazing orgasms for her

Sanriobaby296 4

Friday 12 April 2013 20:47

When gothem is ashes you have my permission to cum

Zomg_Okay 26

Friday 12 April 2013 21:50

May I direct you to comment #6?

tomatosz 23

Friday 12 April 2013 21:12

I was thinking the same thing... For some reason when a guy in an fml decides to do something odd during sex, it's ALWAYS when the girl is about to ******. (This week in particular, but in general it also happens strangely often)

Infinity1337 11

Friday 12 April 2013 21:17

What is funniest is that you are making this fml story on your phone while this is still happening.

CanadianCutie22 16

Friday 12 April 2013 21:23

awkward..

pmadNess 16

Friday 12 April 2013 22:11

#61- perhaps these women aren't communicating how close they are. Just a thought...

icepick23 12

Friday 12 April 2013 22:18

Lighten up. Isn't sex supposed to be fun? Tell a joke or two of your own. Pretend that you are Lois from Family Guy.

iwadasn 32

Friday 12 April 2013 23:53

Sex isn't very fun when your boyfriend's immaturity keeps you from having an ******.

KLeePrice 11

Friday 12 April 2013 22:37

69, I thought about that too but most of the time it should be pretty obvious when the girl is getting close. Changes in breathing, body movements and moaning.