Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about...

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 15:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 541

You deserved it 11 824

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Same thing different taste

By thetalkingvagina - 09/06/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 910

You deserved it 18 538

Turn off

By no no no - 21/03/2023 02:00

Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 311

By Wawawiwa - 21/07/2010 23:44 - Namibia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 828

You deserved it 53 764

No gods, no masters

By anon - 31/07/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 368

You deserved it 34 710

By jokersgirl - 21/05/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 278

You deserved it 876

Not now, Yoda

By iwassoclose - 10/04/2013 16:32 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 776

You deserved it 8 807

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 306

You deserved it 2 763

Valid reason

By stephhh055 - 21/10/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 487

You deserved it 267

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 769

You deserved it 4 441

Creepy

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 21:22 - Canada

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said, "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 046

You deserved it 50 911

Harpy20 24

Friday 12 April 2013 19:04

"I was born in darkness..."

JustKittyKat 24

Friday 12 April 2013 19:04

Why haven't you closed your legs yet? I feel as if this implies that OP is laying there with her legs open as her boyfriend plays bane with her ****** mask.

Comments

rivaraven 35

Friday 12 April 2013 22:44

What is it with sex and talking both together? Do these people all have problems with talking? Sex is really good without talking.

RedPillSucks 31

Friday 12 April 2013 22:52

Yeah. Don't women usually tense up when getting close? I would think there are signs and the guys either are oblivious or don't care.

Steve95401 49

Friday 12 April 2013 23:15

Your immature boyfriend is the bane of your existence.

Padrailmli 0

Friday 12 April 2013 23:26

When this is no longer funny. Then you have my permission to ******

PrimeStarscream 30

Saturday 13 April 2013 0:02

Did you tell him you were about to get off and he let you down? Or did you sit back and take it and never communicate with him that he sucks at sex? Really, a large reason why people have horrible sex lives is they don't TALK about what works and what doesn't. Btw, for revenge, get him close with a *******, stop and start talking about girly stuff. That'll teach him.

artyler 3

Saturday 13 April 2013 0:04

The way this reads, you were uploading FML while he was still talking to your ****** as Bane. Wow.

TheyCallMeDamien 17

Saturday 13 April 2013 0:30

If you have time to text then yes the sex is over.

ViviMage 38

Saturday 13 April 2013 0:51

If he is wearing your ****** as a mask he's in too deep. You mean vulva unless his nose is buried inside you.

chloealice_fml 4

Saturday 13 April 2013 1:06

I would actually love this! I would do bad, bad things to him.

xkncas 8

Saturday 13 April 2013 1:13

That's where you tell him, like he would you, to: "shut up and keep going or he will never get it or in it again". As a guy, I can say he would deserve it if he didn't return right to helping you get off.