Love: Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss,...

By doesn't fuck on the first, thank god - 23/03/2014 20:25 - United Kingdom - Southend-on-sea

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 539

You deserved it 4 562

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By SisterOfTard - 10/11/2014 16:31 - United States - Florence

Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 433

You deserved it 4 702

Some guys have all the luck

By Anonymous - 26/08/2020 05:03 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today my brother tried to teach me the merits of stalking women on Facebook, gave me a tutorial on how to use improper grammar and spelling to woo them and finally, "using misinformation to start a conversation." He's getting married soon. The last time I kissed a woman was 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 240

Gotcha!

By Anonymous - 02/07/2016 13:39 - United States - Revere

Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 469

You deserved it 1 118

Let's not do this again

By Krissy - 12/10/2024 14:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date, even though the whole concept freaks me out a bit. My date showed up with his sister, who sat at our table and critiqued everything we did, from how I chewed my food, to the way we nervously laughed. He hardly said a word the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 75

By Lonely Gay - 22/02/2012 09:37 - United States

Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 506

You deserved it 5 396

Quel abruti

By Anonymous - 28/03/2023 06:00

Today, I was on a date in a fancy restaurant. I tried to show off my skills by ordering our meal in French, since some of the dishes had french-sounding names. The waiter replied in fluent French and I have no idea what he said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 1 222

By Flip - 02/05/2012 05:06 - France

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 814

You deserved it 58 529

By "liisiuu" - 13/07/2017 05:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 030

You deserved it 895

Interruption

By Freddie06 - 18/10/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a first date, and it was going surprisingly well. As we were saying goodbye, I leaned in for a kiss. Just as our lips were about to meet, a car full of teenagers drove by and one of them yelled, "TONGUE SANDWICH." My date burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 149

Tonight, on 'First Dates'…

By Anonymous - 17/04/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, so… you know how sometimes girls give the weird guys a chance and it works out beautifully and they marry, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yeah, didn’t work for me. I gave the weird guy from work a chance and he asked if he could lick my armpits on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 127

savannah65 19

Monday 24 March 2014 1:39

Ew wtf

ChelzTheWolfGirl 29

Monday 24 March 2014 1:40

Why did your brother want YOU to teach him how to French kiss? Because unless I'm reading into this wrong... It sounds like he wanted to practice with you.

Comments

savannah65 19

Monday 24 March 2014 1:39

Ew wtf

barakados 11

Monday 24 March 2014 5:12

It would be wen weirder if he paid you to French kiss a girl while he watched

life_sucks225 13

Monday 24 March 2014 6:15

Plot twist: OP is his first date.

jazzy_123 20

Monday 24 March 2014 7:25

that's a nasty plot twist

EphMi 5

Monday 24 March 2014 10:30

what's next? pay you to teach him how to screw and go down on a girl so he wouldn't screw up?

JacobH34 10

Tuesday 25 March 2014 4:42

It's like that scene in We're the Millers!

staychill 16

Monday 24 March 2014 1:39

That's really creepy..

barakados 11

Monday 24 March 2014 5:21

I dunno. I think that it's totally not creepy. OP: Lock your doors at night.

Luluthus 41

Monday 24 March 2014 10:07

Because they are old enough to date? I really hope they are not sharing a room.

ericb982 8

Saturday 29 March 2014 7:35

I remember when my parents tried to get me to share a room with my brother. Nobody slept that night,

juststephhere 23

Monday 24 March 2014 1:40

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

emirie 21

Monday 24 March 2014 1:42

I don't know about you, but I never asked a sibling to teach me to French kiss because I was nervous.

juststephhere 23

Monday 24 March 2014 3:13

I'm not excusing it. I'm simply saying that people do weird things when they are nervous! He might've thought of it as a last resort! I think it's strange too but he might've had reasons

littlem91 29

Monday 24 March 2014 5:31

I'm struggling with how there could ever be a reason good enough for it. It's creepy and gross. Simple as that.

robd007 20

Monday 24 March 2014 16:24

he probably asked her to show him how or explain the fundamentals of it and not to be his test dummy.

ChelzTheWolfGirl 29

Monday 24 March 2014 1:40

Why did your brother want YOU to teach him how to French kiss? Because unless I'm reading into this wrong... It sounds like he wanted to practice with you.

Kamon97 23

Monday 24 March 2014 2:25

Isn't french kissing a little much on a first date anyway?

KeinBaum 12

Monday 24 March 2014 4:00

Sure, asking your sister is a little weird but who else would he ask? His mom?

KiaKarma 11

Monday 24 March 2014 5:08

#45.Maybe a friend? Or you know, ANYONE else that isn't in the family.

Bano360 25

Monday 24 March 2014 9:24

#28 nothing wrong with it on a first date. It's not like it's oral or sex.

tstew97 4

Monday 24 March 2014 13:29

Good thing it wasn't one of those dates...the op may have had to blow him for practice.

KeinBaum 12

Monday 24 March 2014 18:01

#56: I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't got any (female) friends if OP says that he is such a weirdo.

emirie 21

Monday 24 March 2014 1:40

Oh good grief. I'm sure he can find a tutorial on YouTube.

Rallred32 20

Monday 24 March 2014 2:04

Or on pornhub.

juan3611 14

Monday 24 March 2014 2:31

#17 this comment though XD

jazzy_123 20

Monday 24 March 2014 7:27

haha there actually is. One that my sister showed me was hilarious

xx000o 27

Monday 24 March 2014 11:33

For some reason I didn't think this would be covered on You Tube, but when I got to "How to French kiss while hanging upside down like a Bat" boy was I surprised.

jazzy_123 20

Monday 24 March 2014 18:28

lol there's one where this guy has a peach and he starts kissing it seductively and then he eats it all up x)

SgtAssCheeks 21

Monday 24 March 2014 1:41

Is your brother from Alabama?

mpkpm 19

Monday 24 March 2014 4:42

UK...sigh...literacy must be a problem where you're from.

noonenoeone 22

Monday 24 March 2014 6:31

Literacy isn't the problem here, he mentioned Alabama because of their lax laws involving marrying within the family.

glabberfasted 16

Monday 24 March 2014 7:14

Literacy is the problem here, because it clearly says OP is in the UK

SgtAssCheeks 21

Monday 24 March 2014 12:26

Actually, OP's name on the mobile app is so long I can't fully read the full country name. All I can see is 'United' so this was literally a coin toss.