Health: Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to...

By Anonymous - 04/03/2013 22:24 - United States

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 401

You deserved it 4 860

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Are you colourblind?

By Anonymous - 18/02/2023 22:00

Today, I accidentally tackled my own teammate during a rugby match, so our coach made me walk the 5 miles back home instead of driving me home with the rest of the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 701

By Anonymous - 27/08/2013 18:39 - United States - East Northport

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 980

You deserved it 5 206

By Sam - 30/10/2008 14:51 - Canada

Today, I had a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months worth of work file helped make the best sausages I've ever cooked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 219

You deserved it 30 792

Well played

By FUCK THE PIGS - 26/01/2013 20:44 - United States - Oakland

Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 561

You deserved it 4 179

By jj - 07/11/2014 05:47 - Australia - Windermere Park

Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 101

You deserved it 3 363

By Anonymous - 04/09/2013 17:28 - United States - Dell Rapids

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 143

You deserved it 7 261

By bhnja_ - 18/04/2013 20:34 - Philippines - Mandaue

Today, I got cut from my track team. My coach told me it was because my sprints were "too fast" for his liking. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 390

You deserved it 3 861

By Anonymous - 02/01/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, I was stripped of my starting position on my high school basketball team. The reason? I was three minutes late to practice. Why was I late? My coach called me five minutes before practice and made me get him a coffee or else he wouldn't start me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 854

You deserved it 3 478

Cooked out

By Anonymous - 22/03/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I got invited to a cookout. The host apologized as I got there because the hamburger meat had gone bad, and all they had were hot dogs, which I can't eat because they give me the runs. It was either that or starve, because I don't get paid until tomorrow. I wrote this on my ninth trip to the can this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 200

By blue. - 19/05/2011 23:32

Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 224

You deserved it 3 458

karatekid97 17

Tuesday 5 March 2013 0:50

To get him back I would've thrown up all over him and/or his car.

omfg_creepers 8

Tuesday 5 March 2013 0:51

ITS A TRAP!!!

Comments

TKA2012 6

Wednesday 6 March 2013 22:37

You always feel that false sense of security before the worst comes to past

Lvl_8 7

Monday 11 March 2013 15:48

-6 Stamina

Eaglestrike117 29

Wednesday 13 March 2013 22:00

You'll get him back one day. One day.

Landowner 8

Thursday 21 March 2013 3:00

That is an awesome fakeout! haha

ttREZZ 1

Tuesday 30 July 2013 5:37

I feel you bro. That'd suck so bad

missd420 16

Saturday 31 August 2013 0:07

Oh my peaches my stomach hurts just thinking about that. I made the mistake of doing zumba after a big family dinner. Ugh! FYL

bigred6693 12

Monday 3 August 2015 20:32

I hope one or all of you threw up on him...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my wife and I can’t decide if we should force my stepson to wait when he rudely demands something, in the hope he’ll learn patience and some manners, or just give him what he wants so he’ll go away and stop making us miserable. He’s 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 1 295

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 540

You deserved it 1 905

The Top

Today, I realized the universal beauty that can be found in a pancake. I'm not sure if I have reached spiritual enlightenment, or if I should have my head examined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 856

You deserved it 7 397

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 457

Today, I didn’t get a job as a teaching assistant because during my interview, in which I taught a class, I was rated as “not preparing adequate teaching materials in advance”, all because I didn’t provide my own A4 paper. I’m unemployed and the school expected me to buy classroom materials for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 119

Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 955

You deserved it 2 675

Today, I took off my sweatshirt in the middle of class. The tanktop I was wearing underneath went with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 410

You deserved it 8 216

Today, my boss sat me down to discuss the sounds my co-workers have heard coming from my cubicle. Apparently my music sounds like the background tracks from shitty soft-core porn movies. I'm getting a three day suspension while they go through all my files. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 225

You deserved it 5 278

Same thing different taste

Are you colourblind?

Well played

Cooked out

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