Miscellaneous: Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for...

By ug - 08/07/2009 20:51 - Canada

Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, "I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 742

You deserved it 4 549

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By awkward - 26/09/2016 21:31 - United States - Oakland

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 020

You deserved it 1 375

Choked

By embarrassing - 15/07/2021 18:01

Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 162

Misunderstood

By Lonely - 24/07/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 579

You deserved it 9 469

Alexa, play "Let Down" by Radiohead

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Central Islip

Today, the guy I've been crushing on at work finally asked me out to lunch. I was nervous we wouldn't have anything to talk about. He spent the entire hour talking about how amazing his new girlfriend is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 780

You deserved it 1 396

By dexter - 15/01/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had lunch with a couple of my friends and a guy I like. Another guy I have a crush on came and ate with us too. After lunch, one of the guys I have a crush on told me the other guy I like is sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 674

You deserved it 4 975

Switcheroo

By Saberwolf - 13/02/2011 21:14 - United States

Today, I got a text from a girl that I've had a crush on for a long time, asking me out to dinner. I agreed and went to the restaurant. Not long afterwards, I got text from her saying something had come up, so she couldn't make it. As I was walking back to my car, I saw her walk into the same restaurant with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 946

You deserved it 3 120

Long winded way of saying "No chance, mate"

By Anonymous - 18/10/2024 18:00 - United States - Kings Park

Today, I went out for dinner with my crush and expressed my love for her. She responded by saying that we should know that this is the real thing, and to do so we needed to date other people and let time bring us together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 105

By FriendsZone - 15/05/2012 20:44 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for a year finally said she'd go out with me. On the way over to pick her up, she called me and said she couldn't go because she was going out to dinner with her ex-boyfriend to talk things over. She asked if she could use the reservations I had made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 556

You deserved it 2 643

You tried

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 05:01 - United States - Gilbert

Today, after thinking my crush maybe liked me back, I confessed. He didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 109

By anonymous001 - 08/01/2013 19:58 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to the movies with my crush, who had asked me out on a date. Assuming he'd pay, I left my money at home. When the time came to buy the tickets, he only bought one for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 924

You deserved it 68 883

somesecretname 0

Thursday 9 July 2009 1:32

Or maybe he's not confident and was trying to get the response "hey, why not" because he dosen't think you'd go for someone like him ;)

Eternity_fml 0

Thursday 9 July 2009 1:27

Onion rings are good.

Comments

bubo_fml 10

Wednesday 21 September 2011 1:07

Order a foot long sausage & say, "a girl's gotta have a dream!"

iPeterPan 8

Friday 13 April 2012 9:23

Them damn onoin rings.

tatesp0138 3

Monday 17 September 2012 16:42

Idk why everyone has to kiss on the first date, once that kiss happens your gonna want his lips not him as a person

HanaFML 10

Sunday 23 December 2012 4:34

Just because he took you out to lunch doesn't mean he has to kiss you. Be happy that he took you out!

sweethang26 7

Sunday 23 December 2012 7:12

What's an onoin?

NoDontKillMe 19

Monday 25 March 2013 23:27

**onion

thisisFMLsoFYL 11

Sunday 14 April 2013 7:07

Maybe he was being nice and going slow?

JoelsLastNight 18

Tuesday 24 December 2013 4:01

Stop saying thats what you get for being ugly. The guy could just wanted to wait and be polite and saying it in that way gosh

katttt21 20

Wednesday 18 March 2015 11:58

Onion* did no one notice that lol

KeVeeen 3

Monday 28 March 2016 8:23

I don't know what more sad the fact that you can't spell onions or that you're ugly

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Capitalism Work Bosses You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 136

You deserved it 4 976

Today, after having had a sore throat all day, I finally decided to have a throat lozenge on the bus. It was nice and soothing, until the bus sharply turned a corner and I started coughing and choking on it violently like a cat with a furball. My throat now feels like Satan pissed nails down it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 86

The Top

Today, I opened a cupboard and a brick fell on my head. The same brick my mum put up there to "keep it out of the way". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 948

You deserved it 4 385

Today, I hit a parked car. I was walking. To make the scene more embarrassing, the car alarm shocked me and I backed up quickly into the parking meter, knocking me down once more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 527

You deserved it 13 246

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 203

You deserved it 6 701

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 306

You deserved it 5 656

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 334

You deserved it 6 735

Today, right before sex, with his dick out and the condom in one hand, the guy I was with answered a phone call from his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 258

You deserved it 401