Miscellaneous: Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not...

By Watchtower? More like fortress. - 19/10/2012 21:39 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 773

You deserved it 2 521

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By GEE, THANKS DAD - 28/09/2012 22:21 - United States

Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 415

You deserved it 8 464

He's a very naughty boy

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 08:00

Today, a Jehovah's Witness followed me around, talking about Jesus. My dad's a pastor. I hear this stuff all day, every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 190

Survivor

By whyyy - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 902

You deserved it 2 679

By ILiveWithMorons - 12/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 395

You deserved it 3 344

By Rapunzel - 18/03/2012 20:02 - United States - Tucson

Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 122

You deserved it 3 071

By garage - 27/01/2010 06:21 - France

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 719

You deserved it 8 605

By Anonymous - 21/01/2012 00:55 - United States

Today, I watched The Omen with my father. Halfway through driving me back home, he stopped the car and made me get out right there in a rough part of town. Fifteen minutes later, he drove up beside me, laughed hysterically at how terrified I was, and told me to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 791

You deserved it 2 796

Public menace

By Anonymous - 06/01/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, my dad is too old to drive, period, and yet while I was at work my wife thought it was a good idea to let him try her new Mercedes, which by the way I bought and insured. He used the accelerator like he was driving a shitbox Nissan and destroyed our local kebab shop's big front window and door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 02/12/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 052

You deserved it 2 719

By fuck me - 28/11/2013 19:13 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 034

You deserved it 3 670

max_wilder 9

Saturday 20 October 2012 5:05

Burning Jehovah's witnesses is a noble cause. Help him.

lemontree7 3

Saturday 20 October 2012 5:08

This is the best fml ever!! In the past, I have scared them off by answering the door naked, but I love this option!

Comments

kkrivicky 6

Monday 22 October 2012 17:43

i must say #131there are different parts of Africa which hopefully you understand and if your using the internet and commenting on this page then you really cant count for the awful parts of Africa that you obviously dont live in

FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29

Monday 22 October 2012 17:52

Not a bad idea.

Phishhed44 2

Tuesday 23 October 2012 4:07

And just WHY would anyone think that emulating some dumbass apefricans was a smart thing? Gheesh.

nachosbabygurl 9

Tuesday 23 October 2012 8:36

most people just dnt answer the door

schalk 12

Tuesday 23 October 2012 21:41

That was actually never legalized in South Africa. They made some improvements which cut it down to almost nothing. They later actually just went for purses and cellphones since people never bother to blacklist them. The high risk areas have signs now warning you along with improved traffic flow, plus women are allowed to skip red lights late at night

Caguko 4

Thursday 25 October 2012 10:42

I wish my dad were like yours.

dvojplisen 25

Wednesday 13 November 2013 13:09

Your dad's so ******* great!

bluebirdflyaway 6

Friday 18 April 2014 1:14

you people are all idiots.

Geraldinehoney 11

Friday 24 April 2015 23:10

LOL this is totally something my mom would want to do she hates them epsically when they come knocking on our door

Hahli Moore 13

Wednesday 3 May 2017 11:42

I'm gonna be knocked out there are e

Hahli Moore 13

Wednesday 3 May 2017 11:52

holy crap, I was walking down my stairs with this app open, and my phone somehow posted this random sentence. please overlook it. I think it may be a recent text I sent. smh