Miscellaneous: Today, my dad taught me how to swim. I had to keep doing a lot...

By Anonymous - 26/08/2011 04:55 - United States

Today, my dad taught me how to swim. I had to keep doing a lot of strange movements to keep my body floating. While doing that, two 8-year-old girls came and asked me if i needed help getting out of the water. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 656

You deserved it 8 646

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Same thing different taste

By Cantswim - 20/05/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 573

You deserved it 9 976

By anonymous - 10/06/2009 22:50 - United States

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 731

You deserved it 4 676

Baywatch music starts

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 12:00

Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 069

You deserved it 622

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 12:03

Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 983

You deserved it 204

In my day…

By thanks dad - 01/08/2020 02:02

Today, we were slowly introducing my daughter to the pool to help her get over her terrible fear of water. My father-in-law scoffed, called us pussies, and tossed my daughter straight into the water. When I threw him out, he insisted he was just trying to teach her to swim "the right way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 229

You deserved it 285

Baywatch

By Anonymous - 02/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I went to the university pool. There was this cute lifeguard there, and every time I got out of the water I saw her looking at me, so I walked up to her and asked if everything was OK. She told me she thought I was going to drown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 350

You deserved it 512

Little perv

By cplaner - 04/02/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year-old boy. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 755

You deserved it 5 238

By AwkwardPotato - 02/07/2013 02:37 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 934

You deserved it 3 758

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 446

You deserved it 7 721

Bad moon rising

By Anonymous - 28/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Salem

Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 93

Catcherchick94 0

Friday 26 August 2011 12:04

Get yourself some arm floaties! Or next time don't try to practice swimming in a public pool.

marinus_fml 19

Friday 26 August 2011 12:17

Totally reminds me of Dr.Sheldon Cooper who taught himself to swim with the Internet and practiced on the floor in his apartment.

Comments

spump 1

Friday 26 August 2011 20:34

It's OK OP, my mom learned to swim when she was 40

duckman9 55

Friday 26 August 2011 21:34

Pedobear is alive and kicking!

heresjuju 2

Friday 26 August 2011 21:34

I was swimming on my own at 4.

bubblegum9000 3

Friday 26 August 2011 21:55

i used to be able to swim. it's not that i don't know how, it's just that i do not float -____-

itschrisssybro 8

Saturday 27 August 2011 1:07

Just keep practising op, you can show all these negative people that you can swim at any age :D

thor182 0

Saturday 27 August 2011 1:58

Your twenty? You should know how to swim by now haha

KickItHigh 32

Saturday 27 August 2011 2:29

Pelvic thrusting is not a swimming stroke...

buff7 1

Saturday 27 August 2011 3:54

What kind of man doesn't know how to swim?

iBaylin 0

Saturday 27 August 2011 5:37

I'm in the same boat. I still can't swim. I never really tried to learn though...

laxgirl313 0

Saturday 27 August 2011 5:47

At least they were kind enough to offer

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The Top

Today, I finally got an interview for the job I want. The interviewer looked at my resumé and asked, "So, what have you been doing for the past 10 years?" I guess binge-watching Netflix wasn't the right answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 1 118

Today, my mom kicked me out of the house because I missed my curfew and overslept at my boyfriend’s house. She said she’d let me back in on one condition: that I was still a virgin. My boyfriend’s parents won’t let me live with him. I’m currently staying in the Walmart restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 315

The Top

Today, I got a 4-hour Saturday detention as a punishment for skipping a regular detention. We had to wear full school uniforms, then sit at our desks in silence and write long boring punishment essays. It was HORRIBLE. I don't think schools should be allowed to detain and punish pupils on a Saturday. Do you agree? FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 2 007

Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 429

You deserved it 3 252

Today, my mom told me that she was selling my favorite thing in the world, my trombone. The only thing that I'm good at is the trombone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 741

You deserved it 5 284

Today, I was out when a guy walking with his girlfriend eyed me up. I made a shocked face at him and kept walking. The next thing I knew, his girlfriend was beating the shit out of me claiming that I was "the other woman." I'd never seen the guy before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 519

You deserved it 4 776

Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best friend was the exact same necklace which I gave to her for her birthday two months ago. It had been unwrapped and re-wrapped in the same paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 316

You deserved it 4 026

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 318

You deserved it 2 360