Actually, it is recommended that couples do receive premarital counseling. Premarital counseling allows couples to prepare themselves for dealing with life as a married couple, not just two individual people in a relationship. It also helps them address specific issues that newly married couples face, such as finances, living situations, children, etc. Premarital counseling has shown to decrease the likelihood of a couple getting a divorce down the road. I am a finishing up my Master's in Psychology and we are actually discussing this in my Family Therapy class right now lol

Wow... That definitely is a lot to go through as a couple. I hope you two can works things out somehow. Best of luck, OP.

I would just like to say, I am so sorry you got raped. I know many people who have, though I cannot personally understand the ordeal, I sympathise. I hope you can move on from it as soon as possible and that it doesn't haunt you for the rest of your life. Be safe xx

Wow OP I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope whoever raped you is in jail rotting. No one deserves to go through the that. You and your husband are very strong and I admire that! I hope everything gets better for you and it will! Keep staying strong OP

Jesus, I'm so sorry to hear about all of that! I know you guys will get through this. I hope the jerk who did that to you gets what's coming to him

@54, when did they get married?

Too bad that it is almost impossible for a German citizen to get a gun

I commend both of you for going to counseling. You both experienced a trauma when you were raped. You the physical and emotional pain of being violated, he the emotional pain and guilt of failing to protect the ones he loves. That kind of pain can tear relationships apart. It does sound like he reacted out of embarrassment at being so vulnerable in front of a complete stranger, but he needs to be an adult and apologize for the way he spoke to you. Talk to the counselor about the way you communicate with each other, the words and tones used. Work on being conscious of how you speak to each other and try to call each other out [in a civil manner] when one of you crosses a line with their words [mean spirited, laying blame, not accepting responsibility, etc.] Marriages that last require work, constant emotional upkeep and open and honest communication. Good luck, and I hope he can pull his head out of the machismo it's been steeped in.

OP, I find your explanation a little unsettling. The fact that he is preoccupied with being a "strong man" and that he was imprisoned because he was "falsely" accused of drug dealing. He sounds a lot like my abusive ex, who was obsessed with being perceived as a "tough guy" and who always claimed that he was being falsely accused whenever he got arrested, even though it always turned out in the end that the accusations were completely true. I hope you can examine your relationship honestly and that you don't excuse his bad behavior because of other circumstances. Of course I also hope that my concerns are unfounded and that you two will be able to overcome whatever troubles you face and be happy together. But whatever happens, I hope that you end up in a happy marriage, whether if it's with this man or another. Good luck.

#77 Funny how many conservatives go right to blaming the victim for not having a gun. You voting for Trump then?

#77 Edit: Sorry, I just realized you're 12 years old, and you still have time to learn not be a jerk. So here's what you did wrong: never blame the survivor, and don't try to piggyback your political opinion onto someone else's suffering.

What the ****, #79? Whether you're serious or joking, that's way out of line and you're an asshole.

I am so so sorry to hear that happened to you. :( I hope the jerk who did that is in jail. your boyfriend really loves you, sounds like. it's hard for anyone to open up and sometimes even harder talking to a stranger. hang in there, I believe with the way it sounds you two love each other and will make it through. xoxo again so sorry this happened to you and to him too.

#55 OP is NOT talking about pre-marital counseling, she is talking about couples therapy for some serious issues in their relationship. As someone that has gone through both, I can say as a fact that there is a significant difference between the two. If you actually are studying Psychology, your language comprehension skills make me feel very sorry for your future clients. OP. Speaking from experience, dating and engaged are when the relationship is the easiest. it only gets harder after you get married. I do recommend pre-marital counseling, which will help with communication, conflict resolution, and a few other things. For the other serious issue you two have, BEFORE you get married, do yourselves a favor and resolve them before the big day. If you can't, they'll only get worse after you get married. Good luck OP

okay, you seem to be an expert here. I still don't get it, where is the difference between being married and being in a serious relationship (living together for idk 5 yrs, joined bank accounts...) you can't just walk away from any but you can decide to split up in both / stay together till one dies...

#67 Me? An expert? No, I only speak from my experience and what I have heard from others. My wife and I never actually lived together before we got married. Ask anyone you know that did, and I'd be willing to bet a years wages you will be told what I have. Even with living together before marriage, it gets harder after.

I meant #55 ...

#65, if you had asked for clarification instead of being rude and insulting my counseling abilities, I would have clarified for you. I used the term premarital counseling, to describe the therapy the couple was in, because it seemed like the OP wanted to get the issues the relationship is having resolved before getting married. Often, premarital counseling involves a lot of different types of therapy, INCLUDING couples therapy, individual sessions, and group sessions. So instead of talking about things you know nothing about, such as my language comprehension skills, you should make sure that you are also properly understanding the other person. Miscommunication and misunderstanding others is a common issue among people today. They are more likely to jump down someone's throat, assuming that they are the only one who is right, rather than ask for clarification to make sure they are understanding what the other person meant.

#67, OP did not state whether or not this was her current situation. But just because you are basically married in all but on paper, doesn't mean that things don't change afterwards. You can have food that is all put together, but it changes once it gets cooked. Being married and cohabitating are very different, even if they might appear to be the same. There are legal issues with marriage, as well as family, friends, etc telling the person they have to make it work. No such thing with cohabitating, generally. People who are married often have to learnt o make decisions as a team, not just one person deciding for themselves. There is a lot less individualization, which can be hard on couples. In a serious committed relationship, you still have space, and likely everything is not completely entertwined like it would be in a marriage.

You're single, aren't you?

did you read the comment explaining the situation from the OP?

#62 and #64 I am married, and I did read OP's explanation post. I also totally agree with #59. He knows what he's talking about, probably from experience.

Your spouse is NOT your therapist!!! If you have psychological issues to work through, you absolutely need to go see a therapist and not unload all your problems on your partner. Of course you should be able to have a trusting relationship where you can talk about anything, but that is not the same as using them for therapy sessions.

If you're counting on your spouse to be your therapist, you're putting extreme expectations on them and dooming your relationship. I am severely mentally ill and if I tried to put even a fraction of that on my primary partner, it would destroy them, so I am taking responsibility for my own mental health and getting professional help. Would you expect your spouse to splint broken bones or perform surgery for you? If not, why should you expect them to be your therapist?

Oh, just shut up.