Love: Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce... - FML

By dzisfml - 14/02/2010 08:42 - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 538

You deserved it 4 619

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Same thing different taste

By RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) - 17/12/2014 18:47 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 891

You deserved it 6 636

Pranked

By dontevenassk - 12/06/2009 04:44 - Canada

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of my friends accidentally rocked it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 158

You deserved it 3 781

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 18:33 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 918

You deserved it 8 678

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 289

By Anonymous - 15/06/2015 02:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 679

You deserved it 2 410

By Karmaisabitch - 18/05/2012 06:07 - United States - Boulder

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 265

You deserved it 53 316

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 05:26

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 436

You deserved it 4 697

By unknown - 21/09/2011 12:40 - Philippines

Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 626

You deserved it 39 162

Funny, huh?

By Anonymous - 20/04/2024 03:00 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, after having an upset stomach for two days, I thought it would be funny to rip a fart in front of two teen boys at the hardware store. It wasn’t until I crapped myself wearing shorts and it ran down my leg into my sock that I realized it wasn’t at all “funny.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 1 090

Happy Easter!

By Dummy - 01/04/2018 15:00

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 745

You deserved it 1 436

Next

Top comments

MermaidSongXOXO 6

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:05

And it was. Your point?

smbridges 15

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:11

yea i agree with #8 you should have seen the discoloration of ur tp i mean unless ur tp is usually orange!!

Comments

jayemdoubleyou 1

Sunday 14 February 2010 19:08

Correct.

deadsrs 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 19:08

You must think you're hot shit.

tandoorichicken 3

Sunday 14 February 2010 19:16

how could you not see it??

Icarus_II 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 19:25

I don't see why he how I could be mistaken. It Does have a distinct smell which possibly could have been obscured by his own gases or previous gases. But generally toliet paper rolls are close to the user so I'm pretty sure this could have been avoided. And how would you not notice damp/wet toilet paper? I mean you do use your hand to get some right? I hope so.

Icarus_II 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 19:27

*how he could be mistaken. I blame this error on absolute tiredness. I'm running out of excuses

omgwtffmmfl 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 19:30

Burn!

lonely_heart_89 6

Sunday 14 February 2010 19:59

since it is a sauce

TriNiBaByDoLL 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 20:47

ahahahaha how could u not see tobasco sauce on white tp?? but so damn funny lol

cocaimy 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 20:48

LOL.

dragonwarrior 3

Sunday 14 February 2010 21:13

I guess it would hurt if you didn't see it. Are you blind? If so then this is hilarious but if not then YDI

budster1993 2

Sunday 14 February 2010 21:19

may I say your ass is HOT!!!!

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The Top

Today, as a teacher, I was grading some essays when I yet again came across the word "unalive" when discussing the assassinations of JFK and Abraham Lincoln. As in, "JFK was unalived." I know language inevitably mutates over time, but us teachers don't have demonetization filters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 76

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 549

You deserved it 7 856

The Top

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 797

You deserved it 3 710

Today, my friend started talking about Hunter Biden’s laptop, again. I told him if all that hearsay and conjecture is true, we should definitely never elect him to public office. His response? “No, you don’t understand…” and started all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 345

Today, after a fun movie night, I found a note on my fridge saying, “It was delicious.” I don’t know what it is referring to, since nothing is missing and we didn’t eat anything during the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 127

Today, a customer came to make a return - a bag full of clothes without tags that weren’t from our store. I kindly told her she couldn’t return them. She had a full blown meltdown, pulled down her pants, urinated and defecated on the ground. Security escorted her out. My coworker and I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 131

Today, I finally told my mom that it hurts me every time she calls me fat. She got offended that I'm offended. Now our whole entire extended family wants me to say sorry to her and them, because apparently they also call me fat behind my back. I'm a size small by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 126

Today, I farted in my office, assuming nobody would come in until the smoke cleared. The new girl then came in to introduce herself. She had her hands on her nose the whole time, while we both awkwardly tried to ignore the stank elephant in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 481