Love: Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 113

You deserved it 10 955

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Same thing different taste

By Tickdick - 24/03/2017 21:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 320

You deserved it 559

By stopinthenameoflove - 19/06/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 092

You deserved it 15 455

By why - 05/04/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 740

You deserved it 6 608

By Pita - 04/12/2010 20:35 - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 376

You deserved it 6 577

By Anonymous - 26/09/2015 12:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 944

You deserved it 3 989

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 641

You deserved it 6 666

"shortcomings"

By Anonymous - 24/02/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 927

You deserved it 643

The Conquest of Bread

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 11:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 265

By nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 444

You deserved it 3 816

By loserllamalick - 07/10/2013 14:32 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 722

You deserved it 39 684

spidergirl41 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:48

Does she like carrots? Also, don't forget the ranch!!! xD

Dmaster22 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:47

your penis is orange? JK FYL

Comments

nwoodle 0

Thursday 1 July 2010 9:09

lmfaooooo.....

dkm94 0

Thursday 8 July 2010 5:50

enzyte time! fyl

SeaNDouble 1

Tuesday 13 July 2010 4:17

#145 GENIUS! lol

ScarletMontgomar 0

Friday 23 July 2010 14:55

ahahaha why a carrot?

jdawg4545 0

Monday 30 August 2010 4:09

name het boobs pre-mature plums FYL

bamam 0

Friday 21 January 2011 7:07

Your life sucks terribly!

kitkatt978 5

Friday 18 March 2011 7:08

get some Viagra or somethinf

KingOfTheBrocean 2

Thursday 21 April 2011 1:46

You shouldn't have such a tiny penis

londonQT1997 0

Thursday 12 May 2011 6:00

ha. ha. ha. … your life must suck ass :P literally LOL

TwinRoxas 7

Friday 22 July 2011 9:58

BURN!!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out from a cousin why my older aunts treated me so differently when we were growing up. Apparently, my mom told them that when I was 14, I wanted to use tampons instead of pads. According to their backward, archaic logic, that meant I was sexually active. No wonder they hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 104

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh." Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 759

You deserved it 4 465

The Top

Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous duffle bag full of clothes to help get him out faster, and I threw out my back. I now can't move. I can't even wipe my own ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 683

You deserved it 778

Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 119

You deserved it 2 923

Today, I decided not to park in the parking garage on campus, in an attempt to save the $8 it would have cost me. Instead, I parked in a surface lot (about a mile away) and got a $50 parking ticket for not having a permit to park there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 501

You deserved it 43 157

Today, after I hooked up with a guy the other night and we had lots of fun, (or so I thought), I woke up to a text saying, “I feel worthless and disgusting after having sex.” He said he was a virgin and he’s a Christian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 247

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 2 035

Today, like every day, I'm an intersex woman. I can't orgasm, have no vagina, and can't have my own kids. Every new partner I have requires an embarrassing explanation and biology lesson because no one knows what intersex means, even though it's quite common. At least I don't get periods? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 326

Same thing different taste

"shortcomings"

The Conquest of Bread

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