Miscellaneous: Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 a.m. because she thought...

By boyfriend123 - 18/08/2011 10:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 a.m. because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 772

You deserved it 3 488

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Shame on you!

By Bjax - 11/10/2017 16:00

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 733

You deserved it 393

By Zack - 01/04/2012 21:36 - United States - Duncannon

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 749

You deserved it 26 521

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 20:55 - France - M?rignac

Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 367

You deserved it 5 596

By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 720

You deserved it 881

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 750

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:25

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 994

You deserved it 108 950

By Anonymous - 02/09/2014 21:29 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 927

You deserved it 3 565

Keep the peace

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 18:02 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my girlfriend accidentally put rubbish in the neighbour's bin. Then the old lady took all the rubbish out and threw it on the floor. I came out and tried to calm the situation, but then my girlfriend ran downstairs and tipped her cat food and cat milk bowls over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 170

By pikachu - 20/01/2009 20:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 580

You deserved it 4 540

By WakeUpToADream - 25/09/2015 20:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 280

You deserved it 1 982

Ladiesman247 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 15:45

Oscar the Grouch? :3

jsgunner420 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 15:44

Maybe it WAS watching her!

Comments

trina0626 3

Thursday 18 August 2011 17:20

at least u got up with here so that shows that u r a good boyfriend and she should remember that.

nashster2 1

Thursday 18 August 2011 17:20

They're everywhere

misssscarter21 1

Thursday 18 August 2011 17:21

Wake her up the next night and do the same thing. Lol.

Mini_Pedobear 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 17:27

some one mite be IN the can..

cheetahcake19 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 17:29

LOL that's funny. At least nothing bad happened to u in your FML

jomaha 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 17:42

OMG!!

Cesarbmg 2

Thursday 18 August 2011 17:48

Maybe there was someone in the trash can watching her.

caraamarie 0

Thursday 18 August 2011 17:56

LMAO!

Buttsexpirate 9

Thursday 18 August 2011 17:58

Argh! You escaped this time, butt I'll be back the next day, and the next day, and the next day.

jerico616 14

Thursday 18 August 2011 18:01

You know, it's not paranoia when they REALLY are out to get you!

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 572

You deserved it 6 604

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 876

You deserved it 2 095

The Top

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 308

You deserved it 2 124

Nice.

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 95

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend and tell him that the red bumps around my nipples was heat rash, rather than admit it was actually razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 262

You deserved it 9 599

Today, my Darwin Award-nominated cousin got himself admitted to the hospital because he substituted the hammer and screwdriver for a meat tenderizer and a knife when he couldn't find the toolbox. The one I clearly labeled "TOOLS" in giant letters to avoid this situation from happening again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 167

You deserved it 334

Today, I tried one of those AI companion simulators, one that's supposed to simulate what it's like to have a girlfriend. I role-played what it would be like to help her with a problem, then drive her home. After doing so, the AI began to act as if it didn't even know me, and asked me to leave. It's uncanny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 407

Today, we had a visit from the bailiffs and police. It turns out my partner has been lying about paying his half of the bills and destroying letters about it. Now I have to find an extra £3k during a cost of living crisis and attend court. This is on top of bailiffs forcefully entering and taking most of our things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 131