yes, he does, and he full admits to being a narcissist, unfortunately. I'm the one practically begging for sex.

This is exactly it. Thank you for getting it.

Thank you!! This is exactly it!

Not the first time I've heard of a guy being jealous that women have multiple orgasms. Not the main issue here.

OP, I know divorce really sucks but is it really worth it to be stuck with a narcissist? it seems like he's purposefully ******* with you.

Or purposefuly *not* ******* with you

My husband is the same way. In four years, we've only had Sex 12 times. I begged for 9 of them. He even faked impotency at one point to avoid sex with me because he chooses his hand over me. He'll jerk off when I leave the room to get him food, or when he thinks I'm asleep, or even in his car apparently. He knows it bothers me. He knows that my self esteem has become total crap over the constant rejection. I understand how it feels to be in yer position. I'm very sorry.

My soon to be ex husband was the same way. Hence when I figured out he was using masturbation to help with his depression I understood. Couldn't rationalize why he cheated on me with a trans person after not having sex with me for months...

OP, I'm the same as your husband (except female.) Sex just isn't for me but I love to **********! Doesn't mean I love my partner any less. Soetimes you just can't getvwhat you need all from one person, and that's okay. it's actually a big order for somebody to fill when you think about it! My advice (which is definitely NOT for everyone) is to consider a sexually open relationship. I have no problems if my partner needs sex to be happy, and I can't give them that, so they go elsewhere for it. As long as they remain open with me about it and stay careful. I don't see it as cheating, we have a wonderful relationship outside of sex and they're getting a vital need met which makes us both happy.

OP I know how you feel. I honestly felt like I was alone. But now I see a lot of people go through this. My husband would choose **** over me. I threatened to get "it" somewhere else, which caused him to re think what he has been doing. Now he is wanting sex more with me.

I actually want to thank you all for actually GETTING my problem, like so many others, including "Mr/Ms Psychology Degree" did not. **** and ************ are not the problem. the addiction to **** and the using sex as a weapon/reward and the making me feel ugly and useless are. it's unfortunately a very tough situation, with no real light at the end of the tunnel anymore.

Tell him if he's not going to **** you then you will find someone who will. See how quick his attitude changes then.

If you stay with someone toxic, like your husband, it will destroy you. I know, you don't want to get divorced again, but his attitude and emotional abuse of you is going to poison you and break you down, and the best thing you can do in this situation is cut him out of your life and walk away.

#67 same basically happened with me last year. OP I was going to mention this...last year I was with this guy that after the first couple times we had sex I had to beg him to have sex with me. I spent 3 days in 4 different lingerie I bought specifically for him in his favorite colors and he just sat there never acknowledged me not once kissed me or told me I looked good (and I know I did bc our male roommate/my ex fling had to come in the bathroom and reassure me of how sexy I looked and how he wished he was the one I was wearing that for) we had sex once maybe twice a month if I was lucky...I decided to snoop in his emails right? fb messages? numerous trans dating and hookup accounts and ****...gay ****....sexting and videos and pics between him and his gay bff...I was horrified!!!! he denied it for months....I tried to make it work with him being open to these fetishes he had willing to try anything to keep him bc I loved him so much....it just didn't work. not to mention I had ordered like 6 vibrators and would find them hidden in various places where he would hide out for hours with the door locked. needless to say I left thsoe with him when I bounced.

#82 I tried that with my ole man last year (the one I just referenced with the trans and gay **** issues) he didn't even care when I made the threat but when it finally happened he acted like he was all butthurt that I actually did what I said unlike him "oh tomorrow baby oh later babe..." blah blah blah in the end I left

Dang I feel your pain. I am going though same way as you are. Nothing. He rather use his hands over touching a lady's body.

Yeah OP I'd start thinking about divorce at this point. Open communication is necessary and clearly not helping in your case. I would have suggested couples therapy but honestly, I think you're beyond that point now.

Your never beyond therapy. It may not work but therapy also may not have worked if they chose to go a long time ago. It's never too late to try. Therapy can be extremely helpful even if she does end up leaving, it can help her come to the decision and go through the process.

You have to decide if the rest of the relationship is worth saving. Is there anything, outside of sex, where you needs are still being met. If he's a good partner in everything else, then sex can always be worked on, either by making compromises (like making an agreement that you'll at least have sex X number of times a week and he can ********** without complaint otherwise, or agreeing to an open relationship where you can go elsewhere to have your sexual needs met and he can take care of himself). If you're not getting anything else out of the relationship, then it's time to end it. Hopefully, kids aren't involved (if they are, I'd at least encourage family therapy, even if just to make the process a little easier). Relationships should be about needs being met in both directions. If your needs aren't being met, walk away.

Like others have said- his behavior is completely inappropriate, if he's neglecting your sexual needs in favor of taking care of his own in a way that consistently leaves you unsatisfied, and then trying to place the blame on you. Even if he has some reason for his specific lack of sexual interest with people:you, the fact remains the rest of his behaviors are toxic and border on becoming emotionally abusive, if they aren't already. I'm also going to trust that factors like hormone level problems, emotional and mental disorders have been ruled out. Especially since you've stated that the issue is that he treats sex with you like a chore when you want it, but is pushy and inconsiderate when he wants it and expects you to be happy with fulfilling his kinks without any fulfillment for yourself. I see three real options, with various levels of success: 1: Marriage and sex counseling- would bring in a third party that could point out what he is doing is wrong, which may be enough to get him to dislodge his head from his ass about being less selfish about sex, and maybe improve your marriages sex habits. Would possibly still leave you unsatisfied even if your husband largely reduced his **** and masturbation. (Likely the lowest success rate, and lowest return on resource investment.) 2: The two of you write up a full blown contract- as in, whatever it takes to make it legally protecting in case option 3 winds up being chosen down the line- that allows you to go to other people to satisfy your sexual needs. Asexuals sometimes do this, and it can be either the same mutually decided on people who also agree, or it can be blanket permission to find a consensual sex partner each time you have the "need," with said partner not needing approval from your husband. Considering all the other issues you've mentioned, he probably won't agree. If he does, it would still be VERY advisable to see about getting a legally recognized contract drawn up so he can't use your "adultery" against you if he changed his mind down the road. (Probably low success rate, but if you love him the rest of the time, it may be the best compromise. Depending on whether a contract could be made that would actually legally protect you, it could be either low or very high resource cost to reward ratio. 3: Divorce him. While divorce is possibly pushed too often, your marriage sounds like it is degrading very quickly to the point that his abuse becomes more vicious and possibly lethal. It also sounds like it isn't JUST sex that he has developed these behaviors about, which makes it seem like the marriage is beyond saving, and may in fact be actively harmful to both you and, if you have them, and children you have. (Probably the best option, in my mind, especially as one and two would be likely to eventually result in this option.) Good luck and I hope you figure something out- and remember that sometimes being broke and homeless is better than staying in an abusive, controlling relationship, like this one is on the way to becoming, if it isn't already.

At least he's willing to have sex at all.

Counseling has actually happened. He's just addicted to ****. It sucks. But I've been divorced before. I just don't want to have to go that route again.

I do see the point of view that getting off on **** is easier than real sex. The effort at connecting to another person can be a real chore for sure. People also watch TV because it's easy, **** may be similar. **** is lazy. I don't think guys on a regular basis want 50 shades of grey sex. Some want the 5 min release. imho - I don't think more talking is the answer especially if you've already tried that. If he wants easy no frills easy sex and maybe something you would enjoy also is going to bed nude and sleeping. And when he wakes up in the mood tell him to just nudge you for quick and easy spooning sex at least 3x a week but as often as possible with only moaning and no conversation (just for a few months) until you get him addicted to real sex with you again. It becomes routine and when he gets aroused he becomes trained to you for the easy sex. Think of training a human response, he gets hard and looks to you for that easy release. And then less frequently but still expected you should give each other the toe curling sex. Just my advice that I would try if I had the same issues and still wanted to fight for my marriage. btw - I'm a woman married 24 years since I was 18. I'm not an expert.

Hey OP, it really sucks that you've been divorced, and I get how much it would suck for you to have to get divorced again, but "I don't want to get divorced again" probably isn't the best reason to stay in a relationship... I'm not saying get divorced, I'm just saying if you've tried really hard to fix it together but he just doesn't want to, it's not fair on you. I really hope this doesn't sound bad, I can't get my thoughts into words properly, so sorry if it does.

This is actually interesting to read.

Well she talks about it for ages now and they got counseling. Even Captain Obvious cannot help here anymore.

oh stellasue... if only I hadn't spent the last 4yrs talking about it. it doesn't matter. he will hold off for about 2wks, every 6mos or so, and say he understands and that he knows his addition to **** is out of control, and then, in those 2wks, we'll have sex constantly, and then I'll go months feeling helpless and undesirable and worthless all over again.

OP, You've been dealing with him acting like that for 4 years??? You don't deserve a man like that. He clearly isn't doing anything about his addiction and it seems like he never will. It doesn't matter if you get divorced the second time, nobody should suffer with their partner like you do!

OP, you might want to set an ultimatum and then consider divorce, or go the contract route as another had suggested (about making it an open marriage, if you really love your husband the rest of the time and this is the only major problem you have). The ultimatum would be that he seeks help for his addiction, and actually follows through on it past three months, or you are leaving. You should not have to stay in a relationship that does not seem to satisfy you emotionally or physically. I know you don't really want to go through another divorce, but honestly, from your comments here, I can honestly see no other way UNLESS your husband actually applies himself and gets help for his addiction.