Animals: Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because... - FML

By anonomys - 05/09/2011 19:19 - Canada

Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 279

You deserved it 10 126

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Alarm

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 14:26 - United States

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 592

You deserved it 4 011

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 787

You deserved it 13 981

By Noname - 02/02/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 820

You deserved it 7 061

Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 316

You deserved it 730

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 455

You deserved it 809

By fartz - 31/08/2013 06:04 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 520

You deserved it 8 107

By Dogsbody - 27/05/2019 02:30

Today, I noticed that my dad scolds me in the same tone of voice that he uses to scold our two dogs. Gives a whole new meaning to being treated like a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 250

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 05:26 - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 349

You deserved it 2 466

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 554

The "He's probably thinking of other girls" meme gone wrong

By Anonymous - 25/10/2021 23:00

Today, my insomnia got so bad that I became convinced my husband was having an affair in our bed right next to me. I punched him so hard in the shoulder that he awoke from a sound sleep, farted, and then shook it off and went back to sleep unfazed. I'm so jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 1 403

Next

Top comments

McMike10 1

Monday 5 September 2011 22:52

Maybe he thought you looked fetching

saintdalman 4

Monday 5 September 2011 22:53

Do you do tricks with peanut butter too?

Comments

Brooding99 15

Monday 5 September 2011 23:56

Gotta love the epic farts that wake you up!

AznQin 3

Monday 5 September 2011 23:57

Haha

cabo07 6

Tuesday 6 September 2011 0:01

LOOL ihope he was joking!! And props to you !!! Your Canadian (H) ;)

kduubb 7

Tuesday 6 September 2011 0:02

hahaa thts pretty funny(;

derprawr 0

Tuesday 6 September 2011 0:02

lol thats my husband xD

ghashlycrumbs 8

Tuesday 6 September 2011 0:13

And? I think that's hilariously awesome. Why is this an fml?

lionlvr 9

Tuesday 6 September 2011 0:45

That's freaking hilarious.

leadman1989 15

Tuesday 6 September 2011 1:02

I was sleeping on the couch and was farting while waking up in my boxers with my ass in the air (a little to the side) and my sister and aunt running out laughing and screaming... •_•

swearmonkey 0

Tuesday 6 September 2011 1:13

Thats hilarious!!!!!!!

swearmonkey 0

Tuesday 6 September 2011 1:13

Thats hilarious!!!!!!!

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The Top

Today, my boss sacked me because I only sold 3 cars last month. He made no allowance for the fact we’re in such a rural location we only had 3 customers actually walk in the door, and I sold a car to all 3 of them. That’s a 100% success rate. What else could I do, drag customers in? FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 71

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 254

You deserved it 17 460

The Top

Today, it's my mother's birthday. She received the ultimate gift from my brother, who told her he had just been accepted into medical school. I bought her scratch-offs. She won a dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 152

You deserved it 29 670

Today, a cashier sniffed at the money "you people" waste on tattoos. I have two full sleeve bamboo thickets to cover up old self-harm scars, but her criticism caused the self-hatred to come roaring back. Now it's a struggle to not fall back into those habits and damage that admittedly expensive artwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 201

Today, my boss told me to "act more professionally." So… I sat in the corner and cried for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 676

Today, I hung out with a friend who doesn’t have any kids. We went to the park, where my three year-old son decided to drop his drawers and shit next to a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 309

Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able to take a solid crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 458

You deserved it 1 778

Today, I was supposed to be sipping margaritas on a beach in Mexico. Too bad we only made it 37 miles before getting in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 549

You deserved it 298