Animals: Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because...

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By anonomys - 05/09/2011 19:19 - Canada

Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 288

You deserved it 10 129

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Same thing different taste

Alarm

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 14:26 - United States

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 601

You deserved it 4 014

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 794

You deserved it 13 983

Cozy

By Anonymous - 03/04/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 83

By Noname - 02/02/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 824

You deserved it 7 064

Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 320

You deserved it 733

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 464

You deserved it 812

By fartz - 31/08/2013 06:04 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 525

You deserved it 8 108

By Dogsbody - 27/05/2019 02:30

Today, I noticed that my dad scolds me in the same tone of voice that he uses to scold our two dogs. Gives a whole new meaning to being treated like a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 252

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 05:26 - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 355

You deserved it 2 467

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 487

You deserved it 556

McMike10 1

Monday 5 September 2011 22:52

Maybe he thought you looked fetching

saintdalman 4

Monday 5 September 2011 22:53

Do you do tricks with peanut butter too?

Comments

ViperGTSkank 0

Tuesday 6 September 2011 8:20

This is one of the few fmls I have read that has blatantly made me bellow with laughter. Good one.

kara2996 0

Tuesday 6 September 2011 9:13

My boyfriend did the same thing to me. Because he's used to his dog twitching in his sleep that it's not weird that I do it. Awkk

syfool 4

Tuesday 6 September 2011 10:55

Gross.

BlueBug94 4

Tuesday 6 September 2011 10:55

Hahaha gotta love what husbands say. Instead of kids say the darenest things for you it's husbands say the darenest things

MyS3lf 24

Tuesday 6 September 2011 15:49

Not to be mean or anything, but that made me laugh out loud.

Twisted_Angel 17

Tuesday 6 September 2011 19:30

OMG, my dog does that shit. Hopefully yours don't smell like you shit yourself. That's funny, but kinda sad.

mymelin 5

Tuesday 6 September 2011 19:50

Eh... Nothing major

zojieeu 6

Tuesday 6 September 2011 20:17

Can I know what movies you had been?

slicklol 7

Tuesday 6 September 2011 21:58

Stolen from family guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brian does it !

badactor009 0

Wednesday 7 September 2011 2:49

Change your diet, gas bag.

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 885

Today, every time I practice my synthesizer, without fail, my stepmom decides to make as much noise as humanly possible. Slamming doors, stomping around in her loudest heels, dropping weights, screaming, you name it. I can hear her through my noise cancelling headphones and I can’t focus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 166

The Top

Today, my friend was having a party. It was going good until I got the hiccups really bad, and they wouldn't go away. My friend decided to scare them away by shooting a pellet gun right next to my head. Bad news: It blew out my eardrum. I still have the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 931

You deserved it 5 168

Today, while driving during rush hour, I was singing so loudly that some jackass in the car next to me felt he should get my attention by throwing a wadded-up McDonald's bag through my open window, hitting me in the face with it, and telling me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 377

You deserved it 50 562

Today, after spending 6 months and $15,000 on lawyer fees at my 13 year-old son's request, his abusive, alcoholic father no longer has any legal right to see him. How did my son repay me? He ran away to live with his father the very first time I told him he couldn't have friends sleep over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 258

You deserved it 7 823

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 870

You deserved it 6 775

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 946

You deserved it 8 835

Today, I sneezed and ended up in the emergency room. How? Apparently the sneeze dislodged a kidney stone that is now slowly, painfully working its way from my kidney to my bladder so that I can piss it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 024

You deserved it 1 989