Miscellaneous: Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother...

By Anonymous - 08/03/2014 23:13 - United States

Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 585

You deserved it 4 734

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 06:28 - United States - Calhan

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 570

You deserved it 3 451

By speed-dialing dr kevorkian - 27/02/2016 07:25 - United States - Two Rivers

Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 156

You deserved it 1 320

Good kid

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 13:59

Today, my mother told me that for a period when I was a baby, every night she stood over my crib with a bottle of bourbon and a gun, convincing herself not to shoot me for ruining her life by being born when she was only 18. I wish I could be more like my siblings, who don't visit her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 111

You deserved it 159

Mah grandbabiiiiiies!!!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 06:00

Today, my brother-in-law's baby died due to SIDS. I called my mom, hoping to hear words of comfort for losing my nephew at such a young age, but instead she told me to not let something like this scare me into not having kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 120

By fmlgirl - 09/05/2014 18:44 - Netherlands - Hulst

Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 027

You deserved it 3 902

Solid case for the defense

By DT_tasha - 11/09/2022 15:00

Today, our mom hit my brother's head hard against the wall. He was taken to the hospital with a head wound. He came home in the evening, and said that his mom told him to say that it was his sister who'd hit him with a ball. My brother had told me the story and I'd recorded it on a tape recorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 142

Grandma's here!

By Anonymous - 29/10/2021 14:00

Today, my mother-in-law was so rabid to meet her first grandson, she didn’t just nudge me aside to get to the delivery room, she two-hand shoved me in the chest so I flew backwards and down a flight of stairs. I’m now in a neck brace for a hairline crack to my vertebrae and can’t pick up my own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 75

Bad start

By Tripp - 14/07/2019 14:00

Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 619

Food for thought

By Anonymous - 08/11/2012 06:13 - United States - Houston

Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 151

You deserved it 2 054

The truth will out

By Anonymous - 18/04/2024 11:00

Today, my uncle got drunk and started ranting about how great I was and how amazing it is that I almost wasn’t born because somehow I managed to survive the failed abortion my mom really wanted. News to me. Mom never wanted me and tried to abort me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 79

ironichalibut 24

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:37

I imagine your brother lost his umbilical cord by now, so maybe you're in the clear.. Maybe..

xTuttie 14

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:34

Ouch.. What an awful thing to say. Feeling sorry for you!

Comments

TallMist 32

Monday 14 April 2014 7:44

Isn't that the exact same thing that Cody said Zack did to him in the series finale of On Deck? O.O

Door_Productions 19

Friday 18 April 2014 8:36

Sounds like a joke to me. If my mom said something like that to me(sounds like something she would say) Id just laugh

lexajordan33 7

Thursday 29 May 2014 19:40

so funny.

stupidityisme 11

Wednesday 10 December 2014 1:09

My goodness and I thought my siblings were insane..

MarkGaus 12

Friday 10 July 2015 7:33

Full time twin and savage

Szaszaspasz 26

Saturday 11 July 2015 3:26

I took most of the food from my twin brother and ended up weighing almost a pound more than him. He is ten minutes older than me because I was ready to be born and kicked him out. My mom didn't know She was getting twins until They said "here comes another one!" No ultra sound back then

iamjoe34 11

Friday 10 June 2016 21:35

I'm sorry, but that's hilarious.

Szaszaspasz 26

Thursday 30 June 2016 8:35

I think I beat the shit out of my twin brother in utero. UFC 1971 "Tale of the Tape" He was 4 lbs, 12 oz. I was 5 lbs 10 oz. I suspect I did give him the old "ground and pound". We love each other. He is 10 minutes older because I kicked his skinny ass out because I was done gestating. He wasn't. I'm steering more tonnage than a U-boat captain and he is skinnier than a prison bitch. I'd be disgusted if I weren't so jealous.