Miscellaneous: Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy... - FML

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By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 21:02 - United Kingdom - Broxburn

Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 45 000

You deserved it 3 608

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/09/2010 11:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 740

You deserved it 3 245

By shugberry - 01/09/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my mum on the London Underground. We were standing on the platform, when she suddenly bought up a load of phlegm in her mouth. Instead of trying to find a bin, she just full on spat out the biggest green pile on the floor next to people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 155

Overreach

By AccioBucket - 12/02/2021 11:02

Today, I'm banned from the only working bathroom in my house because my mother is cleansing for an upcoming colonoscopy. My options are either a bucket in the basement, or wetting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 101

Genius

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 589

You deserved it 5 199

Cranberry juice might help

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 16:00

Today, I swear I’m going to just refuse to use the toilet when my mom is home on principle because whenever I go, no matter the time of day or night, that will be the exact moment she's bursting for a pee, and needs me out "NOW NOW NOW!" I haven’t had a relaxing, uninterrupted shit in almost a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 135

By missy - 09/03/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 446

You deserved it 8 679

Not now!

By Anonymous - 18/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 103

Stuck together

By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 02:02 - United States - Wynnewood

Today, my mother is acting pissy because I poured my drink out on our front lawn. Apparently, this was, "ridiculous and embarrassing." Meanwhile, COVID is surging and it looks like I'll be quarantining with her. Kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 1 136

Both ends

By sickofsick - 30/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 680

You deserved it 3 982

Drunk mom

By trailertrashyanditsucks - 26/07/2013 19:55 - United States - Porter

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 056

You deserved it 3 825

Next

Top comments

Eliseopwns 22

Saturday 25 January 2014 5:20

Thank god you know better than her.

Aspen_Grace33 27

Saturday 25 January 2014 5:22

Wow that's pretty bad. May as well start her in depends now...

Comments

mata2 7

Sunday 26 January 2014 4:57

sorry but omg

cnparks1990 9

Sunday 26 January 2014 5:58

(cleveland voice) ohh thats nastyy

NopeFuckThat 7

Sunday 26 January 2014 14:39

Ya nashteeee ._.

VixieRattler 9

Thursday 30 January 2014 5:30

why? it doesn't make sense ... I'm sure it's more difficult to shit in a jug than on a toilet ...

puchacho 2

Monday 17 February 2014 17:15

1 woman 1 jar

simplejack2500 3

Wednesday 18 June 2014 20:19

Anybody else notice 5ml

PikaFruit 6

Tuesday 8 July 2014 8:51

That's disgusting. If you need the bathroom that bad because you're sick, just stay close to it! >_<

ice2eskimos 3

Sunday 26 October 2014 14:23

You can choose your friends but not your parents!

starfoxfan1 7

Sunday 18 October 2015 14:21

5ML?

Misskreher 30

Tuesday 19 January 2016 20:38

it was FML'S fifth birthday last year, so they celebrated by making it 5ML instead of FML

aribanks 12

Thursday 20 May 2021 12:12

Have you ever HAD the flu?!? I had to CRAWL to the bathroom in agony 10 feet away when I had the flu. I could have never made it up a flight of stairs.

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The Top

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 375

You deserved it 2 571

Today, my landlord told me they are making my building non-smoking. The main reason I moved to this old run-down building was it was cheap and I could smoke in my own home, since you can't find that anymore. Oh, they also just increased rent by 20%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 1 041

The Top

Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 233

You deserved it 34 444

Today, my mother passed away in the hospital. My sister and brother refused to tell me which hospital she was staying at so I couldn’t say goodbye. They blocked my number. This was all because apparently I was the favorite and they did this as a vendetta against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 107

Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 542

You deserved it 8 110

Today, at my engagement party, I overheard my future father-in-law saying he was happy his son was marrying "the dumb, pretty one" because all the "smart ones" he dated at university were "nerds with small tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 616

You deserved it 413

Today, I was watching Ratatouille. Piece of advice for starving students: never watch it when you've only eaten two apples in two days, or you'll find yourself in the ridiculous position of being jealous of a fucking rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 868

You deserved it 8 132

Today, it's my birthday. My spouse got into a fight, ending a relationship with a friend. They're laying around, unable to move due to panic attacks. I'm exhausted from being dragged unwillingly into things. The birthday messages feel like a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 151