Kids: Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I...

By Lisaa918 - 10/06/2009 14:49 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 201

You deserved it 6 185

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By tenthousandspoon - 13/09/2010 00:08 - New Zealand

Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 840

You deserved it 3 055

By nutsucker - 08/03/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 530

You deserved it 10 867

By gross - 06/08/2015 17:28 - United States

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 823

You deserved it 3 169

By ManchotDesAndes - 26/02/2015 07:35 - France - Bezons

Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 303

You deserved it 11 166

Best gift ever

By Vanessa - 04/02/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, my toddler gave me what I thought was a ball of melted chocolate. I held it and sniffed it to be sure… It was a freaking ball of her poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 233

Primitive art

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 00:30

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 300

Everyone's a Critic

By Kitten - 19/06/2018 15:00

Today, I was playing some children's music while I cooked so my two-year-old was entertained a little. I started dancing while cooking and she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Mama... Don't dance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 668

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 1 795

By Sarah - 30/08/2012 12:58 - United States - Hampton Bays

Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 888

You deserved it 2 118

By FoodyFood - 19/03/2012 04:59 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 063

You deserved it 14 731

soccerkrzy 0

Wednesday 10 June 2009 19:53

Please be dirt....and not poo...

dmmd8686 0

Wednesday 10 June 2009 19:53

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...anyone who says YDI is foolish

Comments

a2495 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 3:11

See how far you can kick it.

chuckrules1000 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 3:43

never let her into food service...

rallets 22

Thursday 11 June 2009 3:45

then what was it?

grodriguez5502 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 3:55

Wouldn't you be able to smell it before you put it in your mouthh? definant fml

pikL3bOi 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 4:02

How the **** could it b a YDI? Wow have u eve tasted shit? Didn't thnkso sowhen sum1does it byaccident dnt tell thm tht deserve it!!!!!! Wow FYL

rachybubbles 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 4:52

Damnit #65 I just finished this horrendous Communication and Discourse course at Uni, never want to hear the word again, so I come on FML for some light humor and you say the D-word!! Noooooo!! Please don't say it again!! Hehe.

life_sux1234 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 5:21

ewwwwwww gross.

jillz 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 5:25

I'm getting the sense that she had a bit of time in that kitchen. Be glad she wasn't playing with a kitchen knife or some cleaning chemicals. "Look mommy, juice!" ..unless she was penned up like some poor puppy...

Exchange 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 5:34

eww. thats gross

thuryn 2

Thursday 11 June 2009 5:44

Mobius: No, the fridge and the freezer and the oven aren't where she can get into them. I simply didn't see the point in belaboring EVERY... SINGLE... THING... that you mentioned. It's rather boring and tiresome. In fact, it made me yawn just now. I think you're intentionally dilating the likely timeline of this scenario and clinging desperately to your interpretation of events... mainly so you can appear to be right, at which point it STILL doesn't matter because every parent, sooner or later, leaves their kids for two minutes so he or she can take a crap in peace. (Again, that's granting your version of the timeline simply for sake of argument.) So, basically, you're accusing the OP of being a normal person. Whoop-dee-do. Anything else? Oh, and I might add that none of the above qualifies as "neglect." You're the king of hyperbole and overstatement. What else would you like to blow completely out of proportion for us today?