Intimacy: Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter...

By Anonymous - 15/03/2013 10:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 932

You deserved it 6 212

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Same thing different taste

In flagrante delicto

By Matasha - 19/04/2021 23:00

Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 370

You deserved it 135

Overreaction much?

By whyyyyyyyy - 19/10/2022 12:00

Today, after a long dry spell, my girlfriend started coming on to me in the living room early in the morning. Just as things were getting good, her toddler rushed in. Now she's crying in her room, and he won't stop sobbing and asking, "Why was your wee-wee in Mommy's mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 392

Not now

By Anonymous - 25/09/2021 23:00

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 267

Inappropriate, honey

By Jessica - 15/05/2009 00:03 - United States

Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 105

You deserved it 47 702

By KayyElOh94 - 17/10/2014 22:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 732

You deserved it 3 806

Man child

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02

Today, instead of being an adult, my husband was more hysterical than my daughter during a hissy fit. It makes me want to divorce him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 192

Scarred for life

By Guess who's back - 10/07/2022 10:00 - Australia - Homebush

Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 1 814

Misunderstanding

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:49 - United States - Rice Lake

Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 512

You deserved it 6 567

By mandybar15 - 14/12/2012 23:52 - United States - Norman

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 276

You deserved it 6 689

Spooked

By Anonymous - 20/10/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 253

perdix 29

Friday 15 March 2013 18:40

That sucks! Wait, no, it doesn't!

PenguinPower 8

Friday 15 March 2013 18:41

Wow I feel sorry for you, having to deal with two children at once!

Comments

IzzyIzebel323 13

Saturday 20 April 2013 6:16

If he wanted the fun maybe he should of waited to create a child!

floatablebullet 7

Saturday 4 May 2013 2:43

You must be doing one hell of a job for him to almost cry if you were to stop

D3ATHZ3RO 15

Wednesday 8 May 2013 4:20

Who's the real 3-yr old?

marchelley907 9

Monday 23 September 2013 4:23

HAHAHAHAHA! :D omg

FoxOne_fml 12

Tuesday 21 June 2016 16:38

Actually some scientists suggest that children wake up at night to avoid parents to having sex. It's old instinct to avoid a smaller sibling who would get the attention (and food) from parents.

Glitterbaby2613 20

Tuesday 20 September 2016 15:30

lmbo he so silly

hayyad 7

Friday 27 April 2018 22:50

I feel like children (babies especially) have a sixth sense when it comes to parents being intimate lol. My daughter ( she was 9 months at the time) didn't even want her father to lay down next to me sometimes, she would smack him if he got too close and she would cuddle with me instead.