By Rapunzel1974 - 01/09/2013 04:29 - United States - Gulfport

Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML
I agree, your life sucks 40 309
You deserved it 7 432

Rapunzel1974 tells us more.

I'm the OP. I'm the one with the Fabulous Fingerbiters. These chickens aren't food: they're overindulged pets. Each one has a name, so chicken stew isn't an option. I've named them after various vaudeville stars or actresses because they're a lot of feathery drama queens. Actually, biting the hand that feeds them is right in line with the entertainment-industry theme I chose when naming them. A chicken bite from a baby bird isn't really painful at all because their little beaks are so soft. Even an adult bird's peck isn't painful in the same way a dog or cat bite is painful. They can't break the skin, although if they get you in the face it can leave a scratch or welt. A parrot, by contrast, can take your finger off. Chickens just aren't strong enough. These are going to be lovely laying hens. They're just a bit cheeky. I think I can break them of the habit by switching for a while to grass instead of mealworms, by *not* dropping the goodies no matter what, and moving on to the second phase of training, where I train them to hop onto my lap and sit there to be fed and petted. When training a chicken, it's important to use food as a reward. They're not like dogs and they don't consider attention a reward. They don't even consider petting a reward until they're conditioned to do so, because it's not a normal behavior or sensation for them. But it's straight-up operant conditioning, right out of B.F. Skinner

Top comments

grimrepa2007 3

OP. I'm going to assume you like chickens.... alot

Let them have their treats OP. Fatten them up. And when they're least expecting it.... Chicken pie time.

Comments

And... if anyone is cleaning up the "state" additions, instead of "Mississippi" it should probably be "New Mexico" since that's where I live, and where all this vicious chicken Ninjutsu is going on. Or "denial". It's safe to say I live in "denial".

hippo1234 19

I must ask. why did the chicken cross the road? been wandering since I was a child

just want to say that the way you word your responses are absolutely epic <3

rogwest 23

New Mexico sucks! Lived there for a year an was miserable the whole time!

@108: So the obvious thing to do is to spread the misery, right? Or is that not what you were going for?

#104 - it's a suicidal chicken joke. To get to the other side... Yeah, took me a while too. OP, did you just mention Naruto ninjutsu while talking about chicken? XD

A lot of my coworkers have chickens as pets. It's common in central Florida. People keep them for eggs. I also work at a zoo, so a lot of us have interesting pets. A friend of mine actually has a degree in livestock and chickens.

Coeliacchic93 21

112 holy crap! I didn't know that.....

In that case, you better acquire a taste for chicken.

Chickens are apparently smarter than I thought they were. Good for the chickens, bad for your fingers. Perhaps you should wear gloves at feeding time.

I'm not gonna lie. This FML is cute and hilarious.

saucyrossi 18

I hope you work with Gus at Los Pollos Hermanos

Get a real pet. Chickens are farm animals, they aren't meant to "behave"

Horses ARE farm animals too and they're meant to "behave".... Just saying

All domestic animals can be taught to behave, to varying degrees. Horses are farm animals too, and they can be taught all kinds of things.

Anyb0dyTh 8

It's like when dogs learn they can get your attention by bumping you in the crotch with their snout. Bad behavior, yet effective.

Not so stupid after all them chickens, huh? Get back at them by roasting one of em' in front of all the other chickens. BBQ time!