Morning, Spiders, Surprise and Scary: Top o' the mornin' to ya

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 78

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Same thing different taste

By jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 026

You deserved it 2 643

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 704

You deserved it 2 518

By Shrieking_Shack_Maiden - 07/09/2018 23:30

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 666

You deserved it 261

By gaggin - 26/12/2012 19:30 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 157

You deserved it 3 985

By Anonymous - 28/02/2015 09:04 - Australia

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 460

You deserved it 2 650

By igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 821

You deserved it 5 381

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 160

By Steffi3 - 14/05/2016 16:29 - United States

Today, there was a spider in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 69

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 522

You deserved it 3 358

The fear

By Anonymous - 20/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I was going through my Facebook feed when I saw a post of a man being wheeled to the emergency room with a spider stuck in their ear. The post has me scared enough to want to sleep with earplugs. I'm a 37 year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 135

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 30 July 2022 0:49

Ask the girl who is afraid of mice to get it out. She's ok with spiders. I hope you two live close to each other.

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Saturday 30 July 2022 5:08

And you probably won't sleep tonight either wondering if it laid eggs there.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 30 July 2022 0:49

Ask the girl who is afraid of mice to get it out. She's ok with spiders. I hope you two live close to each other.

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Saturday 30 July 2022 5:08

And you probably won't sleep tonight either wondering if it laid eggs there.

CoyoteOldOne 17

Sunday 31 July 2022 4:19

If it did, I'm raising them to be more responsible than their mom.

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 18

Today, my girl was giving me a BJ when my dog started howling. She keeps going; my dog keeps howling. She stops, my dog stops. We start getting it on again and my girl starts giving me a BJ again; my dog starts howling louder this time. So we stop. My dog stopped me from getting some. This is a first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 244

The Top

Today, my husband taught our son how to pee while standing. His aim is as poor as my husband's, but I guess now they can blame their mess on each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 556

You deserved it 1 812

Today, after submitting a 500-word essay to a writing contest, I found out that I lost to someone who wrote 3 sentences. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 013

You deserved it 503

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 816

You deserved it 70 681

Today, I found out my mom intentionally puts extra butter and oil in the food she cooks for me because she wants me to be fatter than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 426

You deserved it 3 795

Today, my birthday, was going great until my boyfriend received a text from a girl saying he gave her chlamydia. Now I have no boyfriend, but at least I have the chlamydia keeping me company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 505

You deserved it 423

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 108

You deserved it 70 203

Top o' the mornin' to ya

Same thing different taste

Juicy breakfast

The fear

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