Intimacy: User notice - FML

User notice

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 02:52 - United States - Rockwall

Spicy

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 584

You deserved it 3 121

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Same thing different taste

By latter - 24/09/2013 00:05 - United States - Middle River

Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 316

You deserved it 3 311

Imagery

By bunnyluver4545 - 11/01/2012 05:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 586

You deserved it 36 718

By Evaki1 - 13/06/2011 14:24 - Greece

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my tampons weren't ear plugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 685

You deserved it 4 583

Noob

By facepalming all the way - 19/07/2015 06:02 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 739

You deserved it 2 350

Wanker

By alicia - 20/12/2012 22:45 - Canada - Montreal

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 313

You deserved it 11 981

By ProsserBabe11 - 15/04/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 091

You deserved it 2 534

Dude, gross!

By utensils123 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 613

You deserved it 2 353

Terminology

By yummy - 30/05/2011 03:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 571

You deserved it 84 230

Bad women's anatomy

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 05:37 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that me switching to "super" sized tampons does not mean I've been having sex with other men with bigger penises, and that my vagina hasn't been "stretched bigger". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 318

You deserved it 3 575

By Extravirgin - 16/12/2014 12:01 - Germany - Munich

Spicy

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 721

You deserved it 8 284

Next

Top comments

coklara 15

Saturday 16 May 2015 23:53

Better now then later...or else his girlfriend would be really disappointed.

cutycat136 28

Saturday 16 May 2015 23:53

Where would he have even gotten the idea that that's what it was?

Comments

liliyalee89 4

Sunday 17 May 2015 1:51

wtf

saffy66 34

Sunday 17 May 2015 2:09

Some people are just a little naive. My cousin led a sheltered life and once confessed to me that she thought anal sex was two naked people on their hands and knees backing up to each other till their bums touched.

PopeSmokes 7

Sunday 17 May 2015 2:54

But think about it... Might be fun?!

Heroprime 16

Sunday 17 May 2015 3:10

Oh my god.... Thanks for the mental image man.. Never spooning again... Yuk... Eww... Bleurgh...

HoboMeth 33

Sunday 17 May 2015 3:19

Now that's kinda forked up

jcfrisco 13

Sunday 17 May 2015 3:30

Chit I was doing wrong the whole time!!

erin55378 17

Sunday 17 May 2015 3:47

Just makes me cringe thinking about that happening...

JKPwnage 27

Sunday 17 May 2015 3:51

Wait what? Wow I've been doing it wrong

cr500guy 11

Sunday 17 May 2015 3:54

I hope he understood

BananaCoconutty 26

Sunday 17 May 2015 4:22

Who was his Sex Ed teacher?

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The Top

Today, I dyed my hair blue because I’m cosplaying as Jinx from Arcane. My parents made me practically homeless because they associate hair dye with "wokeness" and they’re not having that shit in their house. I'm now staying with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 196

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him "Meow" over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin, and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 634

You deserved it 68 713

The Top

Today, I cleaned my house after a big party. Everything was great when my parents came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 645

You deserved it 41 502

Today, I realized that it's become a regular occurrence for my mother and me to talk about our pubic hair. I don't know which is worse, the fact that I now know that she shaves it, or the fact that we even talk about this stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 164

You deserved it 13 914

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 300

You deserved it 7 209

Today, I thought I had a stick stuck in my hair. A very pokey stick. That aggressively bit my face when I tried to get it out of my hair. It was a big ass spider. My face feels like it's been punched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 86

Today, I arrived at work, only to find my computer's massive CRT monitor had been smashed up beyond belief. Everyone else has flat-screen monitors, and I'd made no secret of how unfair it is to me. According to my boss, this makes me the obvious culprit, and now I'm suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 751

You deserved it 2 796

Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 529

You deserved it 5 543