Intimacy and Health: What's up, doc?

What's up, doc?

By Anonymous - 07/04/2018 05:00

Today, I went to the doctor because of the redness and swelling of my penis, hoping that it was just a minor rash or allergic reaction. Nope! According to the doctor, who could barely stop herself from laughing, it's good old-fashioned friction burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 054

You deserved it 2 008

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Help!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2018 14:00

Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 396

You deserved it 578

First time?

By Anonymous - 22/02/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was mortified when I went to the doctor for what I thought was an allergic reaction rash and turned out to just be a bad carpet burn from rough sex, on my back and my ass cheeks. The doctor was visibly trying not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 435

What's that?

By Best-stuf-on-Earth - 12/07/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 360

You deserved it 78 434

By manlyman - 05/04/2009 13:32 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I are having some fertility problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said, "Mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 308

You deserved it 5 309

By argh - 13/03/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, after going to the doctor to have him look at a rash on my man bits, I asked him how to get rid of the redness. He shrugged and said: "Don't worry, nobody will see it other than you and me." He's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 374

You deserved it 3 020

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 14:36 - United States - Arlington

Today, my acne reached a new low. Literally. I'm now getting bright red pimples on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 795

You deserved it 2 848

By unsuckable - 28/08/2015 06:13 - United States - Denver

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 899

You deserved it 4 171

Bailed out

By Why's it so cold in here? - 01/02/2015 18:13 - United States

Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 829

You deserved it 2 980

No more bukkake for you

By Anonymous - 29/10/2020 23:02

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room for severe facial rashes. My boyfriend and I then found out I'm allergic to seminal fluid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 198

By jons - 17/02/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 518

You deserved it 3 608

Donut_Wizard 23

Saturday 7 April 2018 5:07

Gently apply Tabasco sauce to the affected area 3 times a day until the symptoms subside...

pugs 12

Saturday 7 April 2018 8:14

It's because his tinder dates leave before they finish their appetizers.

Comments

WeirdUS 29

Wednesday 31 January 2018 0:54

And it burns, burns, burns the ring of fire. The ring of fire. All jokes aside what could you be doing to cause friction burns? I hate to ask, but an FML like this can only get funnier with an answer.

pugs 12

Saturday 7 April 2018 8:14

It's because his tinder dates leave before they finish their appetizers.

Dave_Davington 33

Saturday 7 April 2018 8:28

My guess is that he got his dick caught in a belt sander.

JustALesbian 16

Saturday 7 April 2018 20:39

Jerked with a sock prolly

Donut_Wizard 23

Saturday 7 April 2018 5:07

Gently apply Tabasco sauce to the affected area 3 times a day until the symptoms subside...

RipperoniPizza 19

Saturday 7 April 2018 5:30

It could be worse. You could be writing an FML about how you contracted an STD. But friction burns down under definitely are a feeling best left unfelt.

ayenii 14

Saturday 7 April 2018 5:35

Ouch, have fun with that. Guessing you had a little too much shower sex lately.

LAUGHINGKOMODO 25

Saturday 7 April 2018 6:02

Honestly that is better than most things that could have been. This one is probably the most embarrassing one though

Lobby_Bee 17

Saturday 7 April 2018 6:10

Foreplay, you need much more foreplay. Get well soon little buddy.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 7 April 2018 6:14

Invest in lotion and learn to use a looser grip!

bigdaddyeric 35

Saturday 7 April 2018 6:46

Use some lotion for all that motion dude!

Jason Cropper_835786005 6

Saturday 7 April 2018 7:34

This is because you need lubrication when you self pleasure. I recommend a little jalapeño juice. Adds a little spice to your love life and the sensation is incredible.