Kids: Words are hard - FML

Words are hard

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 18:50 - United States - Temperance

Spicy

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 895

You deserved it 3 491

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By sorry, kiddo - 30/06/2013 21:44 - Belgium - Brussels

Spicy

Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 469

You deserved it 10 189

By anonymousyo - 24/04/2015 22:04 - United States - Vacaville

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 163

You deserved it 4 233

By nature - 25/09/2017 23:15

Today, I had to explain to my 7-year-old son that it's not okay to smell others' "wieners". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 378

You deserved it 338

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 14:34 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 681

You deserved it 7 566

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Spicy

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 540

You deserved it 15 220

By Anonymous - 20/03/2010 08:38 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 174

You deserved it 4 067

Wanker

By alicia - 20/12/2012 22:45 - Canada - Montreal

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 313

You deserved it 11 981

By marie0908 - 17/12/2014 05:29 - France - Siros

Spicy

Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 287

You deserved it 13 608

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Spicy

Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 105

By more than I wanted to know - 13/05/2013 19:10 - Italy - San Giustino

Spicy

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 196

You deserved it 5 876

Next

Top comments

lostcrazydiamond 10

Monday 28 January 2013 1:28

How old was your son that he didn't know what an analogy was, but he watches ****?

mpj13 8

Monday 28 January 2013 1:28

Sounds like a pain in the ass

Comments

EnterFMLHere 17

Monday 28 January 2013 3:42

You mean it's not??

whyistherumgone_ 10

Monday 28 January 2013 4:31

Kids these days

madgrinchhatter 12

Monday 28 January 2013 4:50

He's just spelling "anal orgy" wrong

Synapsky 10

Monday 28 January 2013 5:04

Creampies are unhealthy. Bad parenting.

toalysium 15

Monday 28 January 2013 5:07

YDI. Should've read to your kids more, not brought them to work on a porno set.

ElricMustang 23

Monday 28 January 2013 6:13

Yes, because one can assume that's what OP did.

DKjazz 20

Monday 28 January 2013 7:28

It's bring-your-kid-to-work-day at the **** studio. Poor kids.

TisAPenguin 16

Monday 28 January 2013 5:36

1) Just because he knows what **** is doesn't mean he watches it. 2) If he does watch it, it doesn't matter how old he is. Kids have access to almost anything now. 3) There are middle-aged people who don't know simple English. Age has nothing to do with intelligence.

chris274 8

Monday 28 January 2013 6:10

You anal, I anal, we anal, analogy, the study of anal.

saphire512 3

Monday 28 January 2013 6:56

Did he think it was anal orgy?

ViviMage 39

Monday 28 January 2013 8:02

Well, an analogy to his **** is "reverse on the grain chute!" FHL in English class!

stewpididiot 11

Monday 28 January 2013 9:24

This reminds me of the doctor that had to explain to his patient that Analgesics are for headaches....

1
2
3
4
5

Keywords

Cats Animals Work Awkward Christmas Health Embarrassing Anniversary Boredom Love Intimacy Abuse Ironic Drunk Transportation AITA Alcohol Am I overreacting? Gun control Kids Parents Language Mysterious Noise Relatable Money Food Delivery Miscellaneous Family

The Top

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 760

You deserved it 250 851

Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me unless we get married within a year and have a baby. I don’t negotiate with terrorists but now I’m gonna be single and alone over Christmas, unless I wheedle myself into my brother's Christmas, but I think I’d just ruin it for his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 175

The Top

Today, I got officially uninvited to a party. This is the third one this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 399

You deserved it 8 334

Today, I had to go meet my professor at 12. I wound up showing up almost an hour late. Why? Because she doesn't teach at the campus I registered at. I wound up having to visit TWO different campuses before I reached the right one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 242

You deserved it 469

Today, I've spent far too long on hold to Apple customer support. Unfortunately the only thing to come from it is I now have "Call me maybe" stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 651

You deserved it 3 474

Today, I let my new cat sleep in bed with me. It was cute until she wiped a tapeworm onto my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 134

You deserved it 2 299

Today, my girlfriend raged furiously at me for never initiating sex. The reason I haven't been initiating is because she was on a medically-ordered sex ban, and she "forgot to tell me" that her doctor had cleared her two weeks ago. She's still mad at me, and there's still no sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 173

Today, I wanted to buy a Philly cheesesteak from my campus grill, but I was running late so I ordered a grilled cheese as it would be simpler to prep. I then waited 20 minutes and watched as the cooks made 4 cheesesteaks for other orders before even starting my grilled cheese. I was late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 303

You deserved it 1 483