Miscellaneous: You tried…

You tried…

By shart up, your puns suck - 01/06/2014 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 792

You deserved it 5 574

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Same thing different taste

By kdeeeceee - 09/11/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 528

You deserved it 4 587

Left hanging out to dry

By Anonymous - 08/07/2016 18:47

Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 768

You deserved it 14 025

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 485

You deserved it 4 813

By thanksmom - 09/01/2013 19:57 - United States - Tucson

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 656

You deserved it 7 793

By coolhand - 29/08/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 514

You deserved it 67 455

By Becca - 31/01/2010 05:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 077

You deserved it 7 042

Classically Abby

By shesanexnow - 19/08/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 211

Industrial logs

By wow - 19/02/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 535

You deserved it 36 950

By PissNTra - 19/07/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 911

You deserved it 5 279

By litterbox_girl - 19/08/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 810

You deserved it 71 157

TheCrispyCat 20

Monday 2 June 2014 1:34

Most cases you can't.

mt631 18

Monday 2 June 2014 1:35

She needs to get over herself. You're not a pig for clogging the toilet. Everyone does that sometimes.

Comments

awkward_gothlady 32

Monday 2 June 2014 2:45

I think it might be time to find a slightly more reasonable lady...

fsomelife 26

Monday 2 June 2014 3:00

Rectify, eh?

brand125 17

Monday 2 June 2014 4:56

i caught that one too, wonder if it was intentional

captainsmegma 12

Monday 2 June 2014 3:28

Avoid the clog next time. Take an upperdecker.

boshbish 14

Monday 2 June 2014 3:30

As a girl, I seriously cant understand some women and how they treat their partners. FYL indeed.

vikky538 28

Monday 2 June 2014 3:51

may be you need to unclog your girlfriend's mind first...

frenchiepas 6

Monday 2 June 2014 3:53

Totally not like she does the exact same thing! She poops, she clogs, she plunges.

jh921971 10

Monday 2 June 2014 4:15

High maintenance relationship. Dump her

darkfroggy 11

Monday 2 June 2014 4:26

Sounds like she has a massive clog up her ass, and just jealous the toilet got more action.

amzing_a16 10

Monday 2 June 2014 4:37

Good way to share up your game

Goodtobebad 11

Monday 2 June 2014 4:40

When did jacking off become an issue?

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The Top

Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 382

You deserved it 2 328

Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 268

The Top

Today, I set a new record: two fender benders in less than 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 436

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 516

You deserved it 2 546

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 415

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 171

You deserved it 40 584

Today, I went with my fiancé to meet his parents. He was really sweet the whole way there, and once we got there he introduced me as 'the girl I'm going to marry'. His parents took one look at me and said, "Are you sure?" I laughed, because I thought they were joking. They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 142

You deserved it 3 221

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years left me because apparently I'm "too beautiful and he can no longer handle other guys always trying to flirt with me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 623

You deserved it 6 488