So yes, I agree that I completely deserve it because I won't be blunt with him. I just don't want him to get insecure about it, like he has with other intimate things. I drop hints by not showing response when he starts to act like I'm a chew toy, but it doesn't work. I have however, brought up the idea of watching movies with him, he's agreed to it, so maybe I'll lightly drop the bomb there.... But all in all, he's a great man and an exceptional lover--just not with that one bit of foreplay. Thanks for the laughs and opinions!

Okay, (it's OP) I need to make a couple of clarifications. I didn't include this part because there wasn't enough room in the FML submit thing, but after I told my mom I was referring to my business partner, she told me that she thinks I'm a lesbian not because of her fantastic maternal intuition, but because she thinks my husband is too much of an "ass bitch" for me to actually love him, and because I'm athletic. I wanted her to meet my business partner because my parents are involved in my business

This situation got a lot more difficult before it got better. For starters, in hindsight I know I should've started pumping my gas first before going to the bathroom but I've done this plenty of times before and never had this problem (and I really had to go lol). As a side note, I live in Colorado and I have never seen a full service gas station anywhere in my state. And for the couple people calling me stupid about my "lack of a budget", I bought my dad a nice Father's Day gift and so after paying all my bills I was left with basically nothing. The attendant refused to admit that he had put it on the wrong pump so I called the company (Shell for those wondering) and they had the store GM come out to avoid getting the police involved. It took him an hour to show up and the attendant was being an ass the whole time. Cameras showed the GM that the attendant made the mistake (even though he was still trying to deny it). Finally after about 2 hours the GM filled my tank up and gave me a gas card for the 50 as an apology. And he ended up firing the attendant for his lack of professionalism. Sorry for the long reply everyone but thanks for the good wishes and taking the time to share your input! Definitely going to pump my gas first next time.

I'm a uni student so believe me, I go out plenty. Still no luck.

I'm actually just visiting my mom over the summer, since I'm off from college. I burst out laughing when she did this, and thought this post would make people smile. There's nothing bad about what she did. So before some of you start making assumptions saying I'm a cranky old fart and what not, take a reality check and shut that smart ass mouth of yours. Good day.

The spider was on her shoulder to those who asked.