All the FMLs

Funny haha

By Wrecked Ralphina - 07/10/2023 00:30 - United States

Today, I decided to try out a new look. Hair, make-up, dress. Later, at work, a guy from our insurance came to assess the building's fire damages from 2 days ago, saying, "I'm here to take pictures of the wreckage." One of my coworkers said, "She's right over there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 114

Profit!

By SueSueSue - 07/10/2023 05:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I sent my boss an animated GIF of a dancing banana instead of the report he'd requested. He replied with a dancing potato. Productivity level: absolute zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 641

My bad

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a toddler's ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 255

You deserved it 4 049

Lonely dude

By Anonymous - 07/10/2023 00:02 - India

Today, after my boss asked me to work late on a Friday and I'd agreed, thinking it would show him my dedication to the corporation, I got to the office. I realized after a while that I was the only one there, and the building's security system had locked me in. I spent my Friday night talking to our office goldfish in an empty row of cubicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 196

Good boy

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 19:30 - Canada

Today, I took my dog to the park. It had recently rained, and he started rolling in something unidentifiable. When I got home, I discovered it was a mixture of mud and who knows what else. Now my house smells like a swamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 269

Baby you can't drive my car

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 15:00

Today, my girlfriend has spent months convincing me to let her have a go driving my Mercedes, and like a fool I gave in and let her drive it once round the street. She didn’t make it 12 inches before she reversed it into the gate post, denting the body, and destroying the paintwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 414

Big mistake

By AccidentalToiletSpy - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, in the bathroom at work, I heard two co-workers enter and begin a very private discussion. Not wanting to embarrass either of them, I figured I'd sit quietly until they left. Big mistake. They talked for an hour and a half. I couldn't feel my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 079

You deserved it 1 173

Itching and scratching

By BMXDude22 - 06/10/2023 07:30 - United States

Today, I went for a job interview, under the impression that I had taken my allergy medication, and had a sneezing fit. Each sneeze seemed to get louder, and every time I blew my nose, it set the sneezing off again. By the end, the entire interview panel was staring at me in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 143

Upping the stakes

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 05:00 - Australia

Today, I was at a wedding and caught the bouquet. My boyfriend of five years panicked and proposed on the spot, thinking I was hinting at something. I just wanted to catch some flowers, but I had to tell him to get a grip without hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 687

Incoherent mess

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 17:30 - United States - San Diego

Today, I'm super sick with a sinus infection and delirious from a lack of sleep and all the meds. When I walked into math class, a boy asked if he could sit next to me. In my head I tried to say, "This is college you have the freedom to sit anywhere you want." All that came out was, "Freedom… everywhere." FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 220

Roaming gangs

By 23yearoldtoddler - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 010

You deserved it 6 781

That sucks

By Mike55 - 05/10/2023 21:30

Today, I set out to clean the house while my wife was at work. Starting with the vacuum cleaner, it suddenly started making a strange noise and emitting a burning smell. Panicking, I unplugged it and noticed one of our toddler's socks had been sucked into it, causing it to overheat. I managed to extract the sock, but now our expensive vacuum cleaner is toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 193

Magpie eyes

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 16:30

Today, I spent an hour making my favorite work lunches, then portioning them out so I could have them all week. I later came home to a pile of empty containers. My girlfriend said, "Sorry, I got the munchies. Also, can you please do the dishes?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 153

Outsmarted

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 11:30

Today, my son is smarter than average, almost genius level, and he has now reached an age where not only does he question me at every turn, he actually out-argues me 90% of the time and I can’t do anything about it because technically he’s right and I’m wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 359

Trauma for life

By he's still not convinced - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while visiting my mother, she asked my son who his favorite parent was. As a growing boy, he chose his father. I don't mind, except she then asked, "So, whose side are you taking in the divorce?" My husband and I have no marital issues. My son refuses to believe us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 916

You deserved it 3 638

Well travelled

By Loserville - 05/10/2023 15:30 - Australia

Today, we were flying to Australia from New York with an 8-hour layover in New Zealand. We didn’t know where the hotel was, so we caught a taxi. The hotel was literally across from where the taxi picked us up. He did a full loop of the airport, dropped us off where he picked us up, and charged $50 due to "airport tax." FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 932

Slapstick

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 04:00

Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 135

Unreasonable

By Whipped af - 05/10/2023 01:30

Today, my wife forced me to delete a female friend’s number off my phone because she’s jealous of our friendship. She then showed me a demonstration of what will happen if I contact her again, with a photo she got from her Facebook, gasoline, and a match to “make sure we understand each other.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 219

The cycle begins

By seriously? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Pickerington

Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 133

You deserved it 4 999

A tale as old as "Time" by Pink Floyd

By Nelly - 04/10/2023 18:30

Today, now that I've lost a significant amount of weight, all the guys that turned me down saying they “liked me as just a friend” all of a sudden are in my DMs saying, “Hey beautiful” and asking me out on a date. Nice to know I’m only liked for my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 322

Targeted vagueposting

By Craig - 04/10/2023 16:00

Today, a girl I rejected is making passive-aggressive posts, and posting stories with anti-dating quotes, and “Fuck love” and “All men are dogs”, making me look like an asshole. Am I an asshole just for having free will about who I date? FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 96

I was right all along

By 3peeps - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 812

You deserved it 4 059

Keep it in your pants

By bad brother - 04/10/2023 11:00

Today, my sister-in-law announced that she’s pregnant. With my kid. And the doctor thinks it might be twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 2 274

Coco bananas

By Mary - 04/10/2023 02:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, a man came to fix my fridge. He was either on meth or crazy, because he yelled that it was an unsafe work environment, all because my puppy growled at him behind an 8ft fence. He got so crazy, my sick dog had a seizure. I sent the video to his manager, who said we just had a difference in personalities. I agree, I was polite, he was insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 155

One track mind

By Old enough - 04/10/2023 06:00

Today, my mom won’t let me go to my boyfriend’s apartment. She says it’s because “I know what you guys are gonna do there I’m not stupid.” She threatened to kick me out of the house if I go. I’m 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 337

Man cave

By Anonymous - 04/10/2023 04:00

Today, it's been about two months since I made my husband sleep in the spare room after an argument. I invited him back to our room after two nights but he refused. Since then he’s moved a TV, Xbox, fridge and new armchair into the spare room, and put a lock on the door only he has a key for. I’ve barely seen him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 1 979

A tad overbearing

By nehadrihan - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Oceanside

Today, my mom decided to follow me during my driving test. She rear ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 805

You deserved it 3 456

You or the both of you?

By Anonymous - 03/10/2023 17:02 - United States

Today, I celebrated my friend's 5-month sobriety milestone with her by getting absolutely wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 1 218

Straight to jail

By youtube - 03/10/2023 22:00

Today, I went up to a random stranger and said, "Hey, you don't know me, but I know you're about to make a huge mistake!" for a prank video. She had a massive meltdown and screamed at me. The police came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 2 075

There was an attempt…

By JoshTheUnluckyFromKentucky - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Folsom

Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 649

You deserved it 2 923

Keywords

Awkward Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money Relatable Parenting Kids DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird

The Top

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did I remembered there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper; he never did, and came out without socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 524

You deserved it 5 800

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 484

You deserved it 11 507

The Top

Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 011

You deserved it 17 624

Today, I hooked up with a freshman at a party. No foreplay, just a quickie. The boy was a virgin, had phimosis, and didn't know. He started to bleed and scream, causing everyone from the party to gather around the bathroom door. He left with his dick bleeding and now everyone is saying I have a snapping vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 993

You deserved it 1 543

Today, my husband was singing while doing the housework. I told him to sign up for The Voice. He took me seriously, and did. Too bad for him, because he sounds like a cat dying in a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 1 686

Today, one of my employees filed a complaint against me. He claims that I "pick on him" and make him do things I "wouldn't do". Apparently, making him do his job and trying to convince him to wear clean clothes that don't smell like garbage is considered a bad thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 272

You deserved it 4 589

Today, my boss called me a liar and untrustworthy. Why? Yesterday I went home to grieve, after finding out my father figure is in hospice, but because he's just in hospice and not actually dead yet, that somehow means I lied about his death to get a day off work. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 189

Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled, "WOOHOO!" I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 996

You deserved it 60 718