All the FMLs

Bubbly

By nomegusta - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 557

You deserved it 28 612

No stars on Trip Advisor

By Anonymous - 02/03/2023 11:00 - United States - Ingleside

Today, I paid for my man to get a massage while we were on vacation. The hour passes and he wasn't answering his phone or texts. I go to the room and he’s just getting out of the shower. I come to find out she is high on ketamine, and he said they kissed. He still denies it. This is what I get for getting him a massage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 222

Just eat it

By salt bomb - 02/03/2023 07:00 - United States

Today, I spent all day carefully preparing a wonderful homemade beef and vegetable stew from scratch. Close to dinner time, I tasted it and it was inedibly salty. Confused, my horrifically bratty stepdaughter then laughed and admitted she poured salt in it because it wasn’t what she wanted for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 138

Overwhelmed

By Anonymous - 02/03/2023 14:00

Today, I tried to take a selfie with a famous celebrity, but I accidentally hit the video record button and recorded myself walking away from them instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 765

Inflation blows

By jules - 02/03/2023 10:00 - Germany

Today, I decided I don’t need to restrict my consumption of shrimp anymore, which I used to do because they are so expensive. So, did I finally land a well-paying job? Nope. It's just that all the other kinds of seafood have risen so much in price that it doesn’t make any difference now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 133

Liquid fun

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out why my girlfriend has lost interest in our relationship. She's found out she likes drinking. A lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 003

You deserved it 4 019

Sick burn

By Anonymous - 02/03/2023 06:00 - Germany

Today, I got the flu so I needed a sick note. The local doctor’s office has a sign outside saying, “DON’T come in if you’re contagious.” They are also completely unreachable by phone. Sooo, I guess I’ll… send a pigeon? FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 102

Prank culture has gone too far

By duck me! - 02/03/2023 04:00

Today, some asshole superglued ten rubber ducks to my car while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 101

Discord mods

By Anonymous - 02/03/2023 07:00 - Brunei Darussalam - Muara

Today, I made a Discord account for the first time and got banned, even though I hadn't even logged in. Like, how is that possible? FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 120

This is the end

By Anonymous - 01/03/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I got a song stuck in my head and couldn't stop humming it, even during an important meeting. I didn't realise I was doing it until my boss stopped talking, looked at me, and said, "You OK over there Jim Morrison?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 725

Thank you for your service

By alek - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was the waiter for my family at the village inn. It wasn't too bad, until I found out they left me no tip, only a napkin that said, "Get a haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 364

You deserved it 3 767

FREEBIRD!

By Anonymous - 01/03/2023 18:00

Today, I was singing and drumming on the steering wheel in my car while stuck in traffic, only to realize the car next to me was full of my carpooling coworkers, all staring at me in disbelief. They spent the day at the office requesting songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 215

Booksmart

By Lindsey - 01/03/2023 14:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to a book signing by my favorite writer, but I was so nervous that I forgot what I wanted to say, and ended up blurting out something completely random and embarrassing about the hat they were wearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 201

Now we're cooking

By jules - 01/03/2023 12:00 - Germany

Today, I replaced the broken hot plates in my stove, only to realize that something else is broken, and it's still is not usable. I had to change it all back before I could even heat dinner. This was after I had carried the thing up and down the stairs by myself, and spent an entire afternoon cleaning it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 123

They adopted you

By Mistaken - 01/03/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I thought I had two cats, an albino and a tuxedo, but apparently I have four. I just discovered that an orange cat and a black cat have somehow gotten into my basement and made themselves at home. There's no way in hell I can afford four cats. Oh, and the cats I actually own hate them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 183

Monthiversary?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lewisville

Today, my boyfriend got pissed off and is now sulking, all because I didn't make a huge deal out of our one-month "anniversary". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 579

You deserved it 3 803

Wanker

By sourgirl101 - 01/03/2023 06:00

Today, while buying lottery tickets, I mixed up "jackpot" and "scratch off" and asked for "$10 worth of jackoffs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 553

****** around, found out

By Anonymous - 01/03/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I tried to decorate my coffee table by following a DIY project I found on Pinterest, but I ended up ruining it and now have to buy a new one instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 794

The boy is mine

By Not the daddy-o - 01/03/2023 02:00

Today, I found out that I’m not the father of my “son” but I'm his uncle. The only thing my wife did was to shrug and say, “Shit happens.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 88

He's the boss

By Anonymous - 01/03/2023 00:00

Today, I lost my earbuds on the subway to work, so I had to listen to my boss's terrible music all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 219

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 16:00 - Argentina

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 82

No thanks

By MrLonelyHertz - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Kingman

Today, I sat down for class. The second I sat down, the guy next to me stood up and moved all the way to the other side of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 173

You deserved it 1 403

Leech

By HadEnough - 28/02/2023 22:30 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I asked my husband to be a little more responsible, pick up after himself, and spend a little less. I earn more than he does, so it's usually my money that he splurges. He has gone on a non-stop tantrum for the past 5 hours, giving me the cold shoulder, and shouting at me. What have I gotten myself into? FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 195

I just work here

By Mario - 28/02/2023 14:00

Today, a lady came in screaming at me, demanding to see my manager and asked for the “corporate office” phone number. She had received a letter from the IRS stating that she owes $8,000. She threatened to “sue me dry” if I didn’t “take the charges off.” I simply man the front desk at the tax services office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 90

Obey, human

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 12:00

Today, after struggling to fall asleep due to stress, my cat decided to wake me up by standing on me and meowing until I got up. Just for me to show him that my boyfriend had already put food in his dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 167

Van life

By Nomad - 28/02/2023 10:00

Today, and recently, I’ve been really big into van life and traveling. Until now, I thought my wife was onboard. After a long talk about how difficult it would be, she’s decided that she’d rather live paycheck to paycheck, instead of travel for super cheap and save money. On top of that, rent is going up in a few months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 763

Reached my limit

By stuckonrepeat - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I received the results of the exams that I re-took in order to improve my grades. I got exactly the same grades as before in all four exams. Point for point identical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 727

You deserved it 19 914

Sneaky

By FlowerGal88 - 28/02/2023 06:00

Today, I found out that the mystery flowers I received from a “Johnny” that caused my boyfriend to dump me on Valentine’s Day was really from him. He concocted this plan to make it look like I was cheating on him with a “Johnny” instead of confessing he was leaving me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 371

You deserved it 95

Dating apps are hopeless

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 04:00 - Norway

Today, after seeing that my Tinder profile has been stagnant for a VERY long time, I became desperate enough to purchase a 100x boost. The result? One of the girls unmatched me. Not that it matters. All my matches have yet to answer back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 286

Cultural imperialism

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 02:00

Today, my new boyfriend said I’m only allowed three male friends, and their names are, “the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.” When I told him he was quoting Will Ferrell, I realized he was born in Croatia and doesn’t know who that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 208

Keywords

Miscellaneous Weddings Awkward Love My ex Friends AITA Jealousy Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Relatable Mental health Therapy Covid Argument Kids Parenting Thanksgiving Ironic Medication Cute Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Money Work

The Top

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 540

You deserved it 1 905

Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 389

The Top

Today, my 76 year-old mother-in-law stayed the night at our house. I bumped into her on the way to the bathroom during the night. She discovered I sleep naked. Sadly, I found out that she does, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 784

Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 505

You deserved it 1 644

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. Twenty minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 881

You deserved it 18 917

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 707

You deserved it 3 205

Ain't nobody got time for that!

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 84

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 368

You deserved it 2 808