All the FMLs

Wrap it

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I’m 16 years-old, father to a 4 month-old baby, and I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 1 643

Competitive

By Crazy mom - 28/02/2023 02:30 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I've been relentlessly refreshing my email. I'm anxious and expecting the results of a competition. It's my preschooler's playdough competition results. What has my life become? FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 785

Silver linings

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a really bad sunburn on my face while at the lake. Not to worry, though; my friends made me feel better by saying, "It takes the attention away from your acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 068

You deserved it 4 067

Guess I'm going to Boston

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 16:00

Today, I woke up with a hangover. Reading my texts and emails, I then sort of remembered that in my drunken haze I'd booked a non-refundable flight to the wrong city for the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 1 018

It's always in the most obvious place

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 14:00

Today, my toddler thought it would be funny to hide my car keys. After searching for hours, I found them in his toy box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 189

Butt stuff

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 05:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, I found a strange brown ball while emptying my husband's underwear from the dryer, more like a marble-sized pellet. It was exactly what it sounds like: a ball of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 104

Creepy disruption

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 10:00

Today, my stepbrother, with whom I’ve had a normal relationship with since we were 5, announced that he’s in love with me. I rejected him, but now my stepmom who’s Catholic is blaming me for "seduction and immorality" blah blah, while my dad now thinks my brother is a pervert who needs to live somewhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 97

How very dare you?

By minnEmouse - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my husband's old high school sweetheart. My mother-in-law introduced me to her as "one of my son's friends." We've been married for over eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 085

You deserved it 3 317

Fur babies

By going no contact in 3…2..1 - 27/02/2023 06:00

Today, my insane mother refused to pick me up from school. Her reason was my “little brother” didn’t feel like going in the car. I got upset and snapped that her dog is not my brother when she tried to ground me. She won’t cook, clean, or take care of her family, all for that damn dog. I can’t wait to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 108

Close, but no cigar

By LisaM - 27/02/2023 04:00

Today, my long-distance boyfriend of 3 years uttered the heartbreaking words, “I met this girl here in my hometown and she’s really great and we fell in love with each other, I can’t do this anymore. We’re over.” I was planning on moving to his town after graduation this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 142

Porch pirates are scum

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 02:00

Today, UPS dropped off my Playstation VR2. They were supposed to get a signature but they just dropped it off and left it. By the time I got the notification that it had been delivered, it had already been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 102

Jam it in my ears

By missmom83 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Torrington

Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from third grade and figured out how to play the highest-pitched note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of Ibuprofen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 591

You deserved it 5 670

More speed, less haste

By Anonymous - 26/02/2023 18:00

Today, I was running late for work and, in my rush, spilled coffee all over my shirt. When I finally got to the office, I realized I had forgotten my laptop at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 194

No comprendo

By Anonymous - 26/02/2023 16:00

Today, I got lost in a foreign city while on vacation and couldn't communicate with anyone, because I didn't speak the language and no one seemed to be able, or even wanted, to speak to me in mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 992

Like a dog

By Jick - 26/02/2023 14:00

Today, I was outside when I was suddenly overcome by an intense need to shit. The back door was locked, so I tried to run to the front, but couldn't make it. As I squatted in the bushes, my girlfriend came home unexpectedly. She screamed and called me a sick, disgusting freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 294

Conflicting mismanagement

By Anonymous - 26/02/2023 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a field engineer decided to rework everyone's schedule, just because he couldn't be bothered to do a full day's work. Now two of us who would've been busy all day are sat on our phones, and he's off out on "errands". How a day goes depends on how bothered he can be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 81

Star Wars

By Not an anti-Semite, just a dumbass - 26/02/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I somehow mistook the Star of David for a Pentagram. My Jewish friends were not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 794

Big farmer

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom tried to convince me to throw out my insulin shots because she read a chain email that claimed they "cause cancer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 603

You deserved it 1 264

Dating sucks

By Anonymous - 26/02/2023 06:00

Today, I spent three hours cleaning my apartment for a date. I then took a nap, only to wake up to find my cat had destroyed the place. Lucky for me, my date never showed up, and I ended the evening drinking Prosecco while sadly swiping through Tinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 162

It's all Double Dutch to me

By MahmoudA - 26/02/2023 02:00

Today, I was asked to translate for a family in Arabic since I’m the only one in my office who speaks Arabic. Turns out the family is actually from Bangladesh. They speak Bengali. When I explained this to my coworker he replied, “But aren’t y’all Middle Easterns related or something?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 94

Drama kings and queens unite!

By IGoOutWalking - 25/02/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I was doing some routine maintenance on my car when a radiator connector broke unexpectedly. I realized I'd rather walk 3 miles in freezing temperatures than call my nearest friends for a ride and have to listen to their drama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 195

Last to know

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 22:00

Today, I heard that my stepmom’s mother passed away… via a public Facebook post made by my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 113

The pits

By speedstick - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received an anonymous letter telling me that I smell bad, and suggesting that I wear more deodorant. Apparently my BO is so bad that someone feels the need to stalk me to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 142

You deserved it 34 911

Sorry Sharon

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 16:00

Today, I tried to high-five someone but somehow ended up slapping them in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 239

Night terror

By Help - 25/02/2023 07:00 - United States

Today, I'm officially at the point where I would do literally anything to have a pleasant dream, or at least one that's not absolutely fucking terrifying. I now know where the irrational fear of sleeping comes from. Anxiety can go fuck a duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 118

Medicare for all, now

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 07:30 - Canada - Old Perlican

Today, I was cut off from my government-funded drug program that used to pay half of my medication costs. They said I don't pay enough of a percentage of my wages on medication. I'd be on a higher dosage if I could afford it. I'm still poor and I'm definitely still bipolar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 108

I have no idea what I'm doing

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 10:00

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months and couldn't figure out how to use any of the equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 317

Code red

By ugh - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that we need a code word for when I'm being annoying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 571

You deserved it 9 011

We've all done it

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 04:00

Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall and the toilet paper had ran out. I had to use the socks I'd just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 224

Goober

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 02:00

Today, at a local mini mart, I tried several times to open a door that clearly said "PUSH" by pulling it, much to the amusement to the customers and staff inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 783

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 1 834

Today, my husband returned from a 6-week business trip. During that time, I put myself on a very strict diet/exercise regimen so I could surprise him with a hefty weight loss. He took one look at me and demanded to know who I was fucking on the side. Yeah, because that’s the only reason I lost weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 232

The Top

Today, I caught my stylist in the mirror attempting to get his colleague to laugh by spitting on my head while washing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 32

Today, I went on a date with a guy who insisted on eating off my plate the whole night. He didn't order his own food, because according to him, "it’s more intimate to share." He didn’t get why I found the whole deal off-putting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 60

Today, I found out that the car I got a great deal on a few days ago, needs a new transmission. I'm now the proud owner of a very large and very expensive paperweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 054

You deserved it 6 643

Today, and ever since she got pregnant, my girlfriend has been hinting that one of her great-grandfathers was black, so there’s a chance our son may be black too. I wasn’t suspicious before, but she has mentioned it so often I’m starting to think it’s less a great grandad and more a baby daddy issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 132

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 050

You deserved it 3 983

Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 193

You deserved it 5 169