Awkward

Whoops

By Teen - 24/01/2009 23:28 - United States

Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 136

You deserved it 3 015

By the-yao - 24/01/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 903

You deserved it 3 811

Bad omen

By IHateMyJob - 18/01/2009 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I received an email from my boss telling me how appreciated I was and how valuable I am to the company. I wish I hadn't scrolled down to read the included conversation where he asked his boss whether to lie to me about how good I was or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 529

You deserved it 2 069

Make the most of it

By Godmish - 02/01/2009 05:37 - France

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend, saying, "Do you remember the last time we slept together?" I replied straight away, "Of course, it was great!" To which she replies, "I hope you made the most of it, because it was the last time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 590

You deserved it 2 752

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 17:54 - France

Today, my sister and I heard a buzzing noise in our parents' bedroom, so we went to investigate. It was coming from a drawer, so we opened it. Inside, a battery-operated dildo was flapping around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 546

You deserved it 5 647

Another fine mess

By MikeMoosey - 30/12/2008 18:00 - United States

Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 548

You deserved it 25 447

It's not me

By LDF - 25/12/2008 10:30 - France

Today, I was sitting in a train when the old lady sitting next to me started staring at me. I asked her if she was OK, and she exclaimed, "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?" The entire train trip went like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 145

You deserved it 2 022

Cockblocked

By AudreyUs - 10/12/2008 19:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 722

You deserved it 18 489

Heimlich

By Macdaddy - 05/12/2008 12:49 - France

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 033

You deserved it 3 484

Doppelganger

By eleonor - 02/12/2008 04:57 - France

Today, I sent a text message to my boyfriend, saying, "Come over in an hour, I love you." An hour later, the doorbell rang. It was my ex, looking happy and still as smitten with me as before, with a bunch of roses. I'd got the wrong number. My ex and my boyfriend have the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 310

You deserved it 45 353

In vino veritas

By Buzz - 29/11/2008 16:11 - France

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, saying somewhat annoyed, "Don't drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 117

You deserved it 11 050

Bigmouth strikes again

By lovely-sweet - 27/11/2008 12:34 - France

Today, during lunch, I said, "It must be awful to realize that you've been cheated on." One of the guys present had just found out that he had been. I then try to correct my tactlessness by saying, "The worst must be when your wife leaves you for another woman." Which was also the case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 626

You deserved it 10 216

Sorry to burst your bubble

By William - 25/11/2008 04:27 - France

Today, we had the (great?) idea of having sex on a bean bag before my roomate got back home. Result: thousands of small polystyrene balls all over the living room. And no, they can't be picked up in 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 661

You deserved it 36 409

Early start

By KoNi - 21/11/2008 07:23 - France

Today, my 14-year-old sister asked me how I felt when I first had sexual intercourse. I told her it was personal and was none of her business. She then looked at me and said, "I thought it was nice." I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 324

You deserved it 6 476

Awkward

By Lio - 12/11/2008 05:25 - France

Today, thinking I was being very generous, I lent my jacket to a new co-worker. I guess I should have checked my pockets before I did, I’m not sure that leaving 3 different flavors of condoms in them made a good impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 080

You deserved it 41 843

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said, "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 485

You deserved it 104 713

Today, my husband convinced me to donate all the sentimental items around our house, like the kids' old toys. Now I feel absolutely gutted, like we gave away tons of our family history, but everyone else is so happy that things are less cluttered, so I just play along. I feel so empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 385

The Top

Today, I braved the winter weather conditions to get to a clinic for a prescription anti-diarrhea medication. When I arrived to find it closed, I turned around to walk to my car where I slipped on the ice. The impact made me simultaneously bruise my elbow and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 625

You deserved it 3 639

Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 652

You deserved it 648

Today, I saw a homeless man on the street and decided to give him the dollar bill I had left in my wallet. He said "Thank you" then as I turned to walk away, he muttered "Cheap-ass cunt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 141

You deserved it 1 542

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 320

You deserved it 3 948

Today, I congratulated my friend for getting engaged. This is the fourth friend of mine this year that has become engaged. I haven't even had a boyfriend yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 113

You deserved it 5 685

Today, my in-laws are so much "know it all better than you" that my father-in-law started trying to convince me that he knows how much chilli I need in my soup better than I do. I had to raise my voice to almost screaming level at him to stop. I'm 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 158