Miscellaneous

OP here. Someone else pointed it out to the attendant that I'd been in there for a while and since I'm 'a kid' I MUST have been trying to steal something. The attendant just quietly asked if they could check my bags and stuff the same way they do if you leave the store without buying but have bags in your hands. I'm not big, but I do have big boobs. Some clothes go on fine but when you go to take them off they won't go over them and you start to panic. I'm a fairly standard size and I do often go one size up, but this was one of those sheer tops with the singlet underneath and those suckers don't stretch and it's hard for anyone to get them off if they're lucky enough to work out where their arms are supposed to go and can get the thing on. Heck, my mum is tiny and there's been plenty of times I've had to help her pull something over her head because she's stuck. It's not normally a store I shop at but was out with my family which I haven't done in a long time as I lived away till recently and they had a great deal, so why not ? I'm not going to sue them, there's no point ? The store didn't accuse me, some asshole who can't mind their business did. To top it off, I went through the self serve checkouts and the alarm went off as I walked out and the attendant pulled all the bras I bought out of the bag in the doorway to make sure they didn't have any of those big plastic security tags on them. I did have a DVD for another store in my bag and we put it down to that.

OP here! The ring had always been so tight that I couldn't get it off, but I guess loosing baby weight combined with the cold weather, my finger shrunk enough. I agree with commenters... I found it extremely odd that I didn't notice... Maybe a case of missing limb syndrome but with a ring? Anyhow, after spending a morning raking the leaves in freezing rain, I FOUND IT! An FML win! (Oh, and #55 sleet does freeze leaves when you live in Texas and the ground is warm enough to melt the sleet but the wind cold enough to re-freeze it. But we can compromise and say we are both right because it has been alternating between freezing rain and sleet for a little while now). WIN!

Hi no I wasn't stuffed up anymore, my sinuses will drain twice a year, once in the spring and once in the fall for about two or three days, I also tend to suffer from sinusitis and sinus infections. She showed up the day I was finally cleared up and was just loafing around the house. While I'd kept thinking I needed to take the trash out because it was gross just sitting there, but I wasn't expecting company, like I said she stopped by for a surprise visit. I was able to clear things up with my Grandpa, the man knows me better then anyone and he was just checking in on me out of concern because as he said "it didn't sound like me." It was also my idiot brother who spread it around after overhearing my ma conveying the story to my dad later that day. I have had several facebook messages and phone calls asking about it but most of the people who know me are aware of my sinus issues, especially after last spring when my sinuses got infected because of them and my face was all swollen....We're all still trying to figure out how my mom is surprised by it....Idk, guess she figures I'll grow out of it eventually. Finally while I have taken some good natured ribbing about it all and probably will for a while yet my mom has gotten it even worse and is incredibly embarrassed about it all....maybe it's enough so next spring she'll remember my sinus issues for once.

OP here, love all you guys who appreciate the pun, and don't you all worry I do not live at home, I have a job and am not a serial sponger.

I guess I didn't put on the FML that I am a male. My wife told me that she wants me to wear my ring (except during work, which is Aviation and we're not allowed). I told her I wasn't comfortable wearing it in the ocean, and she said I had to anyway. After losing my ring, my wife bought snorkel equipment and I spent an hour diving for it until the sun set. My wife and I have been married for 5 years, and we both got a laugh out of it, and we purchased another ring the next day in a Hawaiian market that now has a story and more meaning than the first ring.