Intimacy: A good yanking

A good yanking

By Gordon - 22/07/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I was standing by the bed, naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked over to me, swinging her hips, wearing practically nothing. At about four feet from me, she tripped on the edge of the floor mat, and used my junk to catch herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 733

You deserved it 6 765

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

Deez nutz hurtz

By Anonymous - 11/03/2020 15:01

Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 089

You deserved it 525

Cockstepblocked

By Anonymous - 19/09/2019 18:00

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 137

You deserved it 470

Mood ruined

By InterestingReaction - 10/04/2022 04:00

Today, it was mine and my girlfriend's two-year anniversary. Back in my room, I decided to get sexy for her by opening the bathroom door, dropping my bath towel, and slowly approaching the bed in the buff. I tripped over my feet and fell flat on my face twice while doing so, which she hysterically laughed at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 531

Surprised indeed

By fredo - 19/03/2013 12:31 - United States - Ames

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 066

You deserved it 24 118

Cheeky

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off, so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 579

You deserved it 8 624

By left out wet - 22/06/2019 22:08

Today, I was laying in bed completely naked, uncovered and waiting for my husband to walk in. He laid down in bed and starting playing with his phone instead of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 246

By GreenMonstR - 25/04/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 233

You deserved it 4 774

Dizzy

By Anonymous - 20/09/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I fainted in my bathroom, full on naked and sprawled out on my bathroom floor. When I came to, I was in pain from landing on my side and very disoriented. I sat up and could see my husband just roll over in bed and go to sleep. He didn’t even ask me if I was OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 73

Ball Is Life

By Anonymous - 17/09/2018 12:00

Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 981

You deserved it 258

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 363

You deserved it 7 148

Miss_Q 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 23:04

If you hadn't of been so excited she wouldn't have had as much to grab onto!

Ea12thquake 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 23:03

owned hahah that sucks

Comments

Ea12thquake 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 23:03

owned hahah that sucks

_Noon_ 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 23:43

Let me be the first one to say that I'm replying to #1 to be on top, cause I am. But only because I have something really important to say: This one should definitely be made into an illustrated FML!! For real!

Person_Man 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 0:38

I am replying to the reply to #1 because I have something very important to say: #26 is a retard.

DoomJeff91 2

Thursday 23 July 2009 0:50

Your junk is four feet long? I said something almost funny or I'm an idiot. I replied to the top because I want to be noticed. I agree with #43. Three of the werds are missspelled in this sentince.

DameGreyWulf 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 1:14

No, but I'm guessing his wife is at least four feet in body length, probably actually five, making one wonder why she didn't just grab the bed instead.

FarSide 22

Thursday 23 July 2009 6:33

Oh quit bragging, shorty.

kewlguy23 0

Tuesday 4 August 2009 21:08

#46, who gives a **** if the word are misspelled?

Sunbolt 0

Wednesday 3 February 2010 3:14

yes yes yes yes yes yes

newmanlyman3 8

Saturday 6 March 2010 5:52

hey 46 she is not 4 feettall more like 5 feet tall

sukhdeep 4

Saturday 15 May 2010 19:41

lol yeah totally agreed 46

isaiaha11 2

Wednesday 14 July 2010 5:34

YANK! :'[]

Miss_Q 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 23:04

If you hadn't of been so excited she wouldn't have had as much to grab onto!

nads_fml 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 23:38

hahahaha your so right

Ughsucks 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 1:07

This is so retarded. Who sits on their bed NAKED and then watches someone else come to the bed "nearly" naked? Just the thought of this makes me gag... even if you both were actually hot (very very unlikely).

DameGreyWulf 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 1:17

Because they were getting ready to have some fun, and a woman who is nearly naked is somehow sexier than one who is... That's why sexy lingerie exists. It's probably the "taking it off in a seductive manner" part.

bexox 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 1:40

Ughsucks- I don't understand what grosses you out here. Please explain.

JackDupp 11

Thursday 23 July 2009 1:51

wow i bet your a lot of fun in the sack!!

Ughsucks 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 2:11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

BigD2018 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 2:47

You are obviously an idiot and have never had sex before. When you're in that moment, there is nothing sexier than seeing your naked girlfriend walking towards you seductively. You suck.