Health and Gross: A new friend - FML

A new friend

By puzzled - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I felt a lump of something in the corner of my mouth. Naturally assuming it would be a bit of food that my toothbrush had dislodged, I spat it out into the sink. It was a woodlouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 210

You deserved it 3 323

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Top comments

px_fml 0

Wednesday 24 February 2010 17:59

Yea we dont speak English as a first language in the USA.

TheBeeszNeesz 0

Saturday 9 April 2011 1:45

Other wise known as a ROLLY POLLY! xD

Comments

i33dtehsceti 0

Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:36

what's that

anaelantigua 0

Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:44

Ok can you say NASTYYY? :P

mrschantelbieber 0

Thursday 25 February 2010 0:27

ewwww! WTF how did it get in ur mouth???

ily1210 10

Thursday 25 February 2010 0:36

eveeryone calling em rolly pollys made me laugh. i call them potato bugs :D

benhamean 0

Thursday 25 February 2010 1:24

that's really friggen gross

soso_sunshine 0

Thursday 25 February 2010 2:12

Just to clarify, I brush my teeth twice a day and have a clean house! And also, it was at the end of the day, not the start. I hate when people call fake - why would people make stuff like that up? It's an fml purely because it's so unlikely and odd. Not the end of the world or anything but disgusting, still. I should probably also add that it was dead not alive.

d2r 0

Thursday 25 February 2010 2:44

WTF is a woodlouse u wankers rofl

d2r 0

Thursday 25 February 2010 2:51

woodlouse = fleas

The_Disturbed 5

Thursday 25 February 2010 9:39

#158, you're totally wrong. And everyone else who doensn't know what a woodlouse is... Pea-bug, potato-bug, roly-poly or pill bug. Hope that clears it up a little.

DeadHorseman 11

Thursday 25 February 2010 3:08

ydi for not calling it a roly poly, you couldve saved us the ******* trouble of having to google woodlouse

boxers4me 0

Thursday 25 February 2010 3:53

egad...I think I know what bug you're talking about...

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Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defence lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one's going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 385

You deserved it 4 868

Today, my father came to my sister's place and yelled at her, "I knew it, you're such a whore!" because she slept with her new boyfriend. He's her first boyfriend in five years, since my father scared her previous boyfriend because of my father's possessive behavior. My sister is 34. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 971

You deserved it 120

The Top

Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 912

You deserved it 5 070

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 924

You deserved it 5 281

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house at 9am to surprise him on our 1 year anniversary. In the process, I gatecrashed another celebration he was having with his second girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 885

You deserved it 4 586

Today, I was laughing at a story of a girl who had dropped her cellphone in a hottub and ruined it. As I was feeling pretty good about myself, I then realized that my cellphone was in the pocket of a sweater that I had just thrown in the washer 20 minutes prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 673

You deserved it 48 073

Today, my mom's super spoiled small demon dog attacked my 3 year-old daughter, mauling her leg. Out of instinct, I kicked it away, causing it to fly across the room yelping. I picked up my daughter and took her straight to the hospital, where she got stitches. Later that night, I was greeted with a vet bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 153

Today, my boss told me that my attitude to work is awesome and that he'd follow my example of coming in half-an-hour early every day from now on. I relish those 30 minutes as the only time I can get work done without him constantly interrupting me. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 116

You deserved it 3 391