OP - If this is how you really feel about “your man” then maybe it’s time for both of you to move on. It could be a mercy for both of you. People very seldom change personalities. You cannot change your partner just as he cannot change you. In this world we have to accept people as they are for both their good and problematic characteristics or just stay away from them. If you cannot see the good because you are dissatisfied with what you are lacking, then it’s probably not salvageable. My own mother was given to being over emotional, to the point of probably being manic-depressive, though she was able to function. My father was much more reserved and steady - He had to be because he had a heart condition that caused him to go into fibrillation and pass out if he got too upset. He was also functional. They were both good people and good parents. But they were not really suited for each other - despite being married for over 20 years and raising 4 kids. Eventually my mom had an affair and asked for a divorce - but her partner in the affair backed out of their plans and she would up alone for a while. That divorce was ultimately a mercy for my dad and for my mom she eventually said that she divorced the best man she ever knew. Dad eventually remarried a less excitable and more patient woman.

Sometimes people learn the wrong lesson from past relationships. I have an ex who whenever I tried to address a problem with the most gentle and nonjudgmental way possible she would do anything should could to make it worse and try and punish me for even bringing it up. Anyone who ends up in a relationship, and decides to keep her, is going to end up just trying to avoid any sort of conflict because she will try and punish them and not budge an inch.

I think if you show that you are willing to be communicate and be constructive and not escalate things even if the topic is a trigger point he will be willing to engage. My guess is he has a history with people who fly off the handle when they encounter conflict and so he's just trying to avoid a no win situation.