Intimacy, Sex, Annoying and Relatable: Are Men OK? - FML

Are Men OK?

By Anonymous - 02/10/2023 04:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to use the “It’s my birthday” excuse to get access to my booty hole. Last time he used the “My favourite aunt died” excuse, and before that, the night of our fourth date, he used the “I’m drunk and can’t find the right hole” excuse. Take the hint, no means never. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 268

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Same thing different taste

What is wrong with these dudes?

By Anonymous - 01/08/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to use his “grief” at the death of a coworker to get butt sex, even though I know for a fact he didn’t like the guy that much, and just last week wished for the guy to get hit by a bus. Pretty despicable way to try get back door access if you ask me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 337

You deserved it 474

No gifts for you

By Birthdaypoop - 20/06/2022 12:00

Today, it’s my birthday. Not only did my boyfriend of 5 years forget, when I reminded him, he said very unenthusiastically, “Oh, Happy Birthday.” When I said, “That’s it?” he got annoyed and said,“Well, what else do you want me to tell you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 1 255

By Anonymous - 24/06/2011 23:36 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 134

You deserved it 4 243

How Soon is Now?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 12:59 - Colombia - Bogota

Today, I realized that my boyfriend‘s birthday was two weeks ago, so I immediately sent him a message as if it was today. He didn’t believe my excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 1 891

Couple of issues

By Anonymous - 03/10/2023 20:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend confessed the reason we haven’t been intimate in months is because he can’t get it up unless he is drunk. I’ve been refusing to get intimate when he’s drunk because it’s not enjoyable and mostly painful, but I still have needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 165

By cek4uytp - 25/06/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 786

You deserved it 18 612

By Anonymous - 30/01/2010 14:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend, of a year, got drunk and called me flat chested then said the reason he won't have sex with me anymore is because he is "used" to me. He said all of this in front of his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 427

You deserved it 2 928

Boozehound

By not an alchy - 09/05/2021 19:59

Today, my boyfriend tried to confront me about my “drinking problem”. He claims that the last time he was at my place, I had a full bottle of rum and now it’s gone. He hasn’t spent the night at my house in over two months and it was a half bottle of Malibu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 125

He's the problem

By Anonymous - 16/03/2023 21:00 - United States - Monticello

Spicy

Today, I realized that my boyfriend of 3 years saying that his back is always hurting to avoid putting in any work during the bedroom Hokey Pokey was his way of saying I’m a lame screw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 326

By pocketrocket90 - 08/08/2014 06:05 - Australia - Capalaba

Spicy

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 425

You deserved it 5 341

Next

Top comments

Nikki 17

Monday 2 October 2023 4:03

Ask to do it back on your birthday, I bet he’ll understand no then

core01 30

Monday 2 October 2023 4:19

just dump him. it will NEVER cease.

Comments

Nikki 17

Monday 2 October 2023 4:03

Ask to do it back on your birthday, I bet he’ll understand no then

Gubbon 17

Monday 2 October 2023 8:45

What if he's into that?

Nikki 17

Monday 2 October 2023 12:07

What if she’s into it too?

core01 30

Monday 2 October 2023 4:19

just dump him. it will NEVER cease.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 2 October 2023 4:59

I'm guessing his eyes light up when you call him an asshole.

headlock95 3

Monday 2 October 2023 5:40

No doesn’t mean never. No means not this time. Have you actually communicated to him that you don’t want to do that?

TheSentinel05 10

Tuesday 26 March 2024 21:05

pretty sure “no” means “not today.”

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 990

You deserved it 2 363

Today, after I'd decided to give online dating another shot and I matched with someone who seemed interesting, during our actual date our conversation quickly devolved into a debate about whether pineapple belongs on pizza. I ended up blocking her after she sent me a thesis on the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 416

The Top

Today, I’m in Mexico for six months to discover a new culture, bathe in Tequila and Mezcal, meet loads of new people and travel as much as possible. I’ve found somewhere to live, but as for the rest… I’m living with nuns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 134

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 552

You deserved it 10 188

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 188

You deserved it 5 303

Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 093

You deserved it 15 423

Today, I was screamed at for not doing the dishes because I was exhausted. Last year, when my arm was broken, I did all my chores without complaint. I don’t know how to explain to my parents that I’d much, much rather work with a broken arm than while tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 162

Today, I am jobless after graduation. Ironic, since when I started college with my education degree, I was congratulated, told of the teacher shortage in my state, and how quickly I would be able to find a job. Three years in, the economy tanks, and the state issues a teacher hiring freeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 686

You deserved it 2 944