Cats and Animals: Asshole

Asshole

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 20:38 - Netherlands - Mierlo

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 144

You deserved it 3 234

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 00:05 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 209

You deserved it 3 812

By Cecilly2010 - 28/04/2011 15:53

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 614

You deserved it 5 242

By XxEmoWolfiexX - 24/05/2012 21:18 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 867

You deserved it 2 626

By birthdayfun - 23/03/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153 408

You deserved it 8 195

By Deadman - 02/04/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 897

You deserved it 2 532

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 818

You deserved it 4 718

By Anonymous - 22/10/2009 02:58 - United States

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 813

You deserved it 6 966

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 151

This is fine

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 86

By CatLady - 24/08/2009 13:38 - Canada

Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 545

You deserved it 4 164

ApollosMyth 22

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:23

Well, lob it back? Though I will admit it is an effective way of waking someone up, that is, if you're a giant asshole.

BntyHntrSeattle 30

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:24

Sounds like something the cat dragged in... Don't you love when expressions make sense?!

Comments

ApollosMyth 22

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:23

Well, lob it back? Though I will admit it is an effective way of waking someone up, that is, if you're a giant asshole.

BntyHntrSeattle 30

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:24

Sounds like something the cat dragged in... Don't you love when expressions make sense?!

Dusty_Busters 15

Saturday 22 June 2013 8:59

Eh... Kinda close I guess lol

artistic09 7

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:27

Sorry I feel much worse for the cat, it had to deal with your drunk dad, just make such you don't get cat scratch disease

ironichalibut 24

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:27

Next time he takes a shower give him the ol' cat-hat.

MrSassypants 32

Saturday 22 June 2013 6:13

Am I only the only sick bastard that thought of a hat made out of a cat? Yes? Alright then.

Dusty_Busters 15

Saturday 22 June 2013 9:00

Oh I liked that!

Skarkie321 18

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:28

Poor cat...

botanistjessica 24

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:30

Understandably the cat must be pissed, but I'd say OP's face probably needs much more sympathy.

ArielTheMermaid 17

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:59

8, your dog is beautiful

botanistjessica 24

Saturday 22 June 2013 16:00

Aw, thanks. I have three lovely border collies.

AnthonyWheeler15 24

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:28

Ouch! Well sorry to hear OP! Neither you or the cat deserved it.

3mILY_maRy629 11

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:28

What an ass.

kdbernie10 3

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:32

This is an ingenious new alarm. I always just snooze my alarm and sleep more. But you can't snooze aching cat wounds.

girlbye23 15

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:33

Wait till he is sleeping then lob it back

olpally 32

Saturday 22 June 2013 5:33

Wake up! What a dick move. The cat is not the troll for once! Your dad is.

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The Top

Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 981

You deserved it 6 718

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 535

You deserved it 10 056

The Top

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 474

You deserved it 4 680

Today, my boyfriend is an incredibly adventurous eater. We were on a road trip and stopped at a place that had "Fried brain sandwiches" and he insisted on trying one. He loved it. Just watching him eat it made me so sick that I still feel nauseous hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 222

Today, I confronted my coworker, who I had a crush on, for lying to me. He’d told me he was gay when I asked him out. He’s now dating another coworker of mine who’s a woman. He took this up with my boss, and I was written up for “creating a hostile work environment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 1 985

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to surprise my cat with a fancy new toy. I spent $30 on a laser pointer. Turns out, my cat is terrified of lasers, and spent the next hour giving me the "You betrayed me" look from under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 216

Today, I volunteered at a 50 km trail race for charity and was at the service of a walker. It was fun until after the walk was completed, when he made me take off his boots and socks, and massage his big, super stinky, sweaty bare feet. His putrid feet were inches from my face the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 218

Today, and for years, we've had an old rifle on the wall in my dad's office that his grandad brought back from WW2. Purely on a whim because I was bored I took it down, aimed it at random things making "bang bang" noises. It was still loaded and now my dad's university diploma has a big big hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 1 692

Asshole

Same thing different taste

Occam's razor

He's still got it

This is fine

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