Maybe you should go talk to someone about your issues and then become an actual part of your family?

That sounds like a learned behavior, how would you react to them doing those things while you're present?

now that you know, you can find out what behaviors are the issues and work on them. no nagging and no pouting. just go with the moment and have fun

I am kinda the same way. I am overly worried about safety which to me sounds reasonable. It is a buzz kill for family though. I have tried to be less so and I think I am having success. One thing I try to do is tell them less. Just less overall. I try to be lighter and enjoy the moment more. I also make an effort to smile with them. And just say hi when I walk by. Not in a casual way (pretending I don't care when I really do) but I expect them to say hi back but nothing more than that so they know not every interaction will require something big from them. It seems to be working but my kids are still young. You probably have time to chill out too. One thing that is real hard for me is that safety is easy to justify. For example one day I decided to try to chill out a bit and my son fell in the fire. Nothing about my new relaxed attitude made my son fall in the fire. It was just an accident. We had the hose right there ready to go and he is fine now but at the time that "proved" to me that being a stickler for rules will keep people safe. Safe and boring. Life has risks and you need to balance risks with rewards to have a fulfilling life.