Health: Candy Andy - FML

Candy Andy

By bad karma - 21/11/2011 14:34 - United States

Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 634

You deserved it 46 239

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Fatass - 18/04/2014 05:37 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 705

You deserved it 13 879

By BrokeAndHungry - 24/07/2016 17:05 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 141

You deserved it 4 339

By Timmy - 26/01/2009 13:28 - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 484

You deserved it 59 475

By love you too mommy - 27/01/2014 19:26 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 475

You deserved it 5 290

What ARE you doing?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 365

You deserved it 1 528

By dannij08 - 14/01/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 432

You deserved it 43 477

Bigmouth strikes again

By Anonymous - 14/12/2022 18:00

Today, I was pretending to be a mom with my friends, and I was joking how I bought them candy and that it cost me an arm and a leg, only to realize that the cashier only had one arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 816

The sleepwalkers are at it again!

By sierra - 11/03/2021 02:02

Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 325

By ilovekids? - 12/12/2015 02:05 - United States - Commack

Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 116

You deserved it 6 009

By nocat6 - 15/09/2014 03:07 - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 161

You deserved it 3 066

Next

Top comments

TipOfTheHat 10

Monday 21 November 2011 18:50

It's an expression! Your not actually supposed to do that!

xxcreativedreame 5

Monday 21 November 2011 18:51

Wow. It takes a REAL loser to do that. Seriously.

Comments

2amkid 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 6:01

wow really?

DankTurtle 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 6:14

You r one dumb idiotic sycopath who doesnt understand metaphors

ScrapperDoggie 4

Tuesday 22 November 2011 7:18

"Im not a grammar nazi but itz hrd to reed wen u talk lik this" I find it's hilarious that you put that on your profile, yet you gave this comment cancer. Also, the word you are looking for is "cliche", not "metaphor". Perhaps you should stop making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in class and actually pay attention.

pottymouthpanda 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 6:32

you sir, are a horrible person -_- or you take things to literal poor baby :|

imjessicababy 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 6:36

Someone please explain to me how this is an fml moment idgi

jedielf 23

Tuesday 22 November 2011 7:06

You, ma'am, are a MONSTER.

Sprezlaus 9

Tuesday 22 November 2011 7:25

This isn't a FML, this is sadness to the max... Get a life and a diet...

NotDave 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 7:40

I don't see why people let FMLs like this through. They're obviously just trying to get down votes.

Kingrat3154 4

Tuesday 22 November 2011 7:42

If you can afford Internet access to write this, you can afford a ******* sandwhich. You're just an ass hole.

AnimatedWolf 2

Tuesday 22 November 2011 10:44

I find this quite funny really although that may be biased due to the fact that I dislike babies.

jakedrew 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 11:22

was it as easy as they say?

7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16

Keywords

Parenting Miscellaneous Shopping AITA Am I overreacting? Social Media Jealousy Love Kids Pranks Friends Dogs Housework Relatable Work Awkward Embarrassing Transportation Cars Sports Health Accident Mental health Annoying Family Intimacy Sex Coworkers Poopoo peepee Dentist

The Top

Today, my girl was giving me a BJ when my dog started howling. She keeps going; my dog keeps howling. She stops, my dog stops. We start getting it on again and my girl starts giving me a BJ again; my dog starts howling louder this time. So we stop. My dog stopped me from getting some. This is a first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 244

Here's the latest video from our friends at 10secondtraumas.com, enjoy! Kay Akana, co-founder of 10secondtraumas.com, is also a stand-up comedian in LA. Do go and check out her performances, she did manage to make us lot laugh! ...

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 33

The Top

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 996

You deserved it 7 259

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a middle-aged lady in a leopard-skin coat stumble up to me. She stopped, belched twice, and unleashed a torrent of red wine colored vomit onto my bag. It was 8:45 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 697

You deserved it 1 635

Today, I found out my friend and I have the same due date and the same baby daddy. It's my boyfriend of 9 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 424

You deserved it 434

Today, my boyfriend and I spent all day preparing an amazing meal for my extended family, and then 3 hours before dinner his crazy mother forced him home because she felt "excluded". He's spent the past 3 days with her. There's no way for me to keep him and get rid of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 261

You deserved it 464

Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 473

You deserved it 7 128

Today, my crush from high school finally agreed to go out with me. While on the seemingly good date, she offered me a discount to her OnlyFans page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 210