Intimacy: Classic

Classic

By Dirtyswede - 17/06/2009 14:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this Swedish girl I'd met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if I could ejaculate on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 079

You deserved it 22 852

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Same thing different taste

By SwedishBozo - 15/03/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 890

You deserved it 326 598

You Muppet!

By Branski - 29/07/2011 00:27 - United States

Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounded a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 753

You deserved it 7 006

The ex from hell

By welpwelpwelp - 08/07/2015 17:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 990

You deserved it 1 958

By lostforwords - 06/08/2011 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 084

You deserved it 6 303

Tommy Liseau

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 621

By needurlove - 15/04/2012 06:49 - United States - Sandpoint

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 019

You deserved it 48 129

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 19:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror, and she quickly excused herself. She was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 567

You deserved it 2 532

Careless Whisper

By ihatejasonderulo - 02/09/2014 15:32 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 671

You deserved it 9 966

Exchanged

By jadkins - 06/07/2009 19:33 - Netherlands

Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of two years called and proposed to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 916

You deserved it 22 241

Shutdown

By HighasaCloud - 30/04/2012 16:01 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 960

You deserved it 2 546

Loony_fml 4

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:11

This is the oldest trick in the book. You should know better than to trust any friend to translate stuff for you to impress a girl. You deserved it.

tukker 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:07

Gott lära av andras fel, eftersom man inte hinner begå alla själv.

Comments

cattoe7 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 20:01

and she didn't make out with you right then and there?

YungMarlon23 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 21:47

Wow... Sounds like yur "friend" is a real pal, he should teack yu more... that are find a better friend.

fyrtiosexarton 12

Thursday 18 June 2009 23:30

# 67 du är underbar! and scandinavians are nice actually.

m88 0

Friday 19 June 2009 0:38

this is why you shouldn't trust google translate either.

EatYourSpinach 0

Friday 19 June 2009 1:34

Sluta upp med att använda Google Translate för att lämna synpunkter

socialistbob 0

Friday 19 June 2009 1:41

FYL but on the other hand your friend is epic also give him a high five for me

amankins21 0

Friday 19 June 2009 2:34

I am picturing someone doing the same thing, only in English. But don't lie, you wanted to.

FreedomFirst 0

Friday 19 June 2009 16:46

That sucks. Now go back to your "friend" and beat the crap out of him for being a total ass.

u2_lover_05 0

Saturday 20 June 2009 0:55

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MissMarlo 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 1:17

I would never do that. I would give my friend exactly what they asked for. ): Your friend sucks. However, I'm doing this exact same thing (sort of) to my dad, as a revenge for playing tricks on me. I'm going to make him ask for a bajskorv from a street vendor in Sweden when we go this July. Haha. Maybe you can come up with a creative way to get revenge.