Health: Close encounters - FML

Close encounters

By blarp - 17/10/2011 04:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 724

You deserved it 2 815

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Same thing different taste

By hardee fucking har yourself, sir - 07/08/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 600

You deserved it 4 048

By itwaswarm - 25/09/2015 21:04 - United States - Stony Brook

Spicy

Today, I was peeing at a urinal, when the man next to me finished up and shook his penis. I got splashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 620

You deserved it 1 755

Stranger danger

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 16:35 - United States - Calhoun

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying, "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 563

You deserved it 2 814

By toosmall - 31/01/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 608

You deserved it 2 609

By ThoroughlyCreepedOut - 07/03/2010 00:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 336

You deserved it 2 251

Pissed

By TJ. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 671

You deserved it 3 079

By SadDad - 06/03/2009 01:51 - United States

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 317

You deserved it 4 358

By Anonymous - 26/09/2011 18:52 - United States

Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 063

You deserved it 3 580

Way too public

By stewiesclone - 11/02/2010 09:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 993

You deserved it 3 063

By yepintheladiesroom - 07/06/2014 21:37 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I used a public toilet. After I did my business in the stall and walked out, I was confronted by the sight of a man standing on tip-toes, holding his penis up to the automatic hand-dryer. Doubt I'll get that image out of my head any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 747

You deserved it 5 640

Next

Top comments

Tyger44 1

Monday 17 October 2011 11:59

"no,sir i think not.ER now"

Ikushka 3

Monday 17 October 2011 12:03

No man and you aren't supposed to be asking me either

Comments

Link/DD 13

Friday 3 January 2014 6:17

How does op deserve this?

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Sunday 14 June 2015 6:06

I'm sorry to hear that happen to you. Nobody deserves this.

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The Top

Today, after having had a sore throat all day, I finally decided to have a throat lozenge on the bus. It was nice and soothing, until the bus sharply turned a corner and I started coughing and choking on it violently like a cat with a furball. My throat now feels like Satan pissed nails down it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 88

Today, I have an HR meeting to discuss my team's performance. This is the same HR that refuses to hire more people because my department is full. The same HR that complains when tasks are completed late due to the team being overworked, yet refuses to take any suggestions. How do you give feedback to people like this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 74

The Top

Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 574

You deserved it 6 655

Today, it's been over three months since my ex and I split up. It's also been three months since I've seen my step-daughter. Being an ex-stepfather is heartbreaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 325

You deserved it 133

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 520

Today, I finally unfriended my roommate's mom on Facebook after months of her commenting on my wall multiple times a day and basically stalking me. After discovering this, she drove to our apartment to demand through hysterical tears that my roommate move out because I can't be trusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 792

You deserved it 3 328

Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 795

You deserved it 9 592

Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 327