Intimacy, Sex and Health: Congratulations

Congratulations

By stdpositivenow - 18/10/2011 14:16 - United States

Today, for our third anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 735

You deserved it 5 127

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Same thing different taste

By She totally did not cheat - 15/08/2018 22:00

Today, for our third anniversary, I gave my fiancée a necklace she always wanted. She gave me herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 352

You deserved it 292

By Anonymous - 05/07/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 224

You deserved it 9 905

By lowlife123 - 01/05/2012 03:01 - United States - Manawa

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave me a surprise birthday present: herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 959

You deserved it 7 439

By nuttedthefout - 28/04/2011 13:16

Today, I bought my boyfriend a gold watch for our 2 year anniversary. He bought me a jar of Nutella. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 623

You deserved it 9 625

Why not both?

By Alexandra - 20/09/2011 08:25 - Lebanon

Today, I surprised my boyfriend by buying him an expensive watch for his birthday. He responded with "Aww, you could've just given me head, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 630

You deserved it 8 986

By eaa145 - 03/03/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158 395

You deserved it 18 259

That's… a strange coincidence

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 05:01

Today, my boyfriend of three years hooked up with a girl who got herpes from a Michigan football player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 132

Wrap it

By Anonymous - 09/07/2020 20:02

Today, my boyfriend, who I have been seeing for a year, decided to tell me that he has herpes and has not taken any precautions to stop it from passing on. We have had unprotected sex quite a lot over the last year, so now I most likely have herpes too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 317

You deserved it 537

By nickrick12 - 19/07/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, as a 1 year anniversary present, my boyfriend let me see and wear my engagement ring. He then made me give it back at the end of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 180

You deserved it 5 860

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 06:30 - United States - River Falls

Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 219

You deserved it 3 330

Tsunami87 17

Tuesday 18 October 2011 19:51

Ironically both of those things are timeless

thebeanishere 8

Tuesday 18 October 2011 19:51

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas except herpes that shit will follow you.

Comments

gatorgirl2669 6

Monday 30 July 2012 5:36

and i would give him another present, a beat down

In_some_bullshit 13

Sunday 13 January 2013 9:17

The gift that keeps giving...

The_9th_Doctor 18

Monday 9 September 2013 4:01

the gift that keeps on giving!

rhettandlink 4

Saturday 25 April 2015 16:08

OMG! I'm so sorry!

alex_gen 38

Friday 15 May 2015 19:54

It's said that most everybody in the world has some form of herpes, whether they're sexually active or not.

themostfab 13

Thursday 18 February 2016 4:23

the gift that keeps on giving

pheizer01 10

Friday 15 July 2016 3:37

Anything is a murder weapon nowadays

Keywords

Food Work Birds Mental health Public freakouts Jealousy Love Awkward Miscellaneous Relatable Cooking Fire Coworkers Cute Neighbours Grandparents Kids Wanker Lonely Halloween Party Argument Fight Family Cats Animals Parents Sports Health Embarrassing

The Top

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me to a movie after days of not seeing me. This long-awaited date involved me paying for food and my movie ticket when he ran out of cash again. He then dumped me as we left the theater walking to his car. Yes, I financed my own breakup date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 842

You deserved it 4 875

Good morning guys! Today's interview has been done in some extreme circumstances. It was about 36° Celsius, and half of the Completely Serious Comics crew was working while the other one was cooking. Well, it was a bit crazy as you can imagine. So m...

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 17

The Top

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 289

You deserved it 6 318

Today, one of my twin sons found out he's going to be a dad. His little sister who loves science ended up telling him that, since he has a twin who is genetically identical, he's genetically the baby's dad too. My son, being a bit dim, took this to mean his brother slept with his wife and hit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 114

Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 259

You deserved it 3 813

Today, my mom thought I was flying high on weed and nearly grounded me for it. I wasn't high, I was just actually in a good mood for the first time in a few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 134

You deserved it 2 322

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 170

You deserved it 1 692

Today, I went to work at my job as a secretary. I had been given the task to file my boss's collection of Playboy magazines alphabetically by name of the centerfold. There was one for every month from the years of 1980 until now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 817

You deserved it 3 554