Wanker and Intimacy: Crank - FML

Crank

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 04:11 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 722

You deserved it 21 482

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Let it out

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 14:02

Spicy

Today, I know it’s pathetic to cry after sex, so you can imagine how pathetic I feel when I cry after masturbating, because cleaning my vibrator afterwards just reminds me how long it’s been since I had a man, and how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 1 545

Cranking

By Anonymous - 21/05/2023 03:00 - United States - Corvallis

Spicy

Today, I cried while masturbating because I genuinely couldn't think of a single person that would fuck me in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 348

By jakeeey - 18/01/2013 01:16 - Canada - Brampton

Spicy

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 191

You deserved it 10 934

By crier - 27/08/2013 18:34 - United States - Norfolk

Spicy

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 612

You deserved it 12 461

Cranking

By Lonely Wanker - 26/02/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 374

By anonymous - 20/03/2013 05:42 - United States

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 252

You deserved it 4 735

By Hammy - 25/11/2014 02:17 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 738

You deserved it 3 841

Love Story

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 19:59

Spicy

Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 1 820

The Crying Game

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 12:00

Today, I noticed that my weekend hobby is crying. I live in a city where I don't have a single friend or relative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 250

By lonely. - 15/08/2012 16:46 - United States - Buffalo

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 066

You deserved it 8 946

Next

Top comments

phantumgrey 6

Friday 29 March 2013 12:02

Watch **** and then you'll be in an orgy. No more forever alone

horrorfield 6

Friday 29 March 2013 12:09

That happens to me too :( except I AM a little bitch. Probably why I'm lonely..

Comments

ScenicSubterfuge 39

Wednesday 24 April 2013 4:00

Haha, dating site?

Strawman3rd 0

Wednesday 8 May 2013 11:47

I guess I'm next in line, sad thing is I'm attractive and in a relationship smh. Been in a relationship for 6months and I haven't had sex in over a year

andrekrivo 20

Tuesday 21 May 2013 12:52

why not try talking to a random person? it's not like you have anything to lose, right?

legendxs 20

Tuesday 28 May 2013 10:29

Then stop being a little bitch and go outside and actually find someone to have sex with.

Threedog0214 6

Wednesday 11 December 2013 1:20

I uhh I am in the same boat ahh it's truly sad.

One_Way 43

Saturday 4 July 2015 7:01

It happens to the best of us, at times. Things will get better. Hopefully by now they already have.

ftpallday666 16

Monday 1 July 2019 8:19

Don’t worry man we’ve all been there

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Teenagers Dogs Animals Video games Gamers Ironic Zoom

The Top

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FMLMeghan's website : http://www.kawaiinot.com/ & http://www.murphypop.com/ If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. Bu...

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 21

Today, my longtime crush, who turned me down because he’s “sick of women”, just got into a relationship. He made it Facebook official, with photos of them and everything. Wanting to even the score, I commented, “So it seems your sickness of women is cured, huh?” He bitched at me for “ruining his moment” and deleted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 994

The Top

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 774

You deserved it 16 006

Today, I found out that the badly-parked car without MOT, that I chose not to report, has been moved and now blocking my car in. I need to get to the shops and have no idea who the driver is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 158

Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I called my brother to share the news that I've been sober for a month. He invited me to a bar to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 429

You deserved it 3 375

Today, a hobo shook me down for money on the street. He's my brother, who incidentally ran away from home over two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 874

You deserved it 2 810

Today, my boss told me I’m doing too much overtime, and that it’s draining our budget. I never volunteer for overtime, I don’t need it. Every bit of overtime I do is shit he says I have to do to meet deadlines, most of which are just the parts of his job he can’t be bothered to learn how to do himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 89

Today, I had to endure my father going on a sexist rant about how women shouldn't be allowed to go to university because it's "unrealistic" since "all women" become stay-at-home mums. This is the same man who threatened to kick me out if I dropped out of uni. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 619

You deserved it 2 892