Sex, Awkward, LGBTQIA+ and Intimacy: Crude

Crude

By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 01:24 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 969

You deserved it 5 050

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Uh... Okay?

By Champion sucker - 11/08/2018 06:00

Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 031

You deserved it 1 829

Dad of the day

By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad is disappointed in me because I came to him for advice on how I should tell my girlfriend I don’t feel ready for sex yet. He just looked at me, shook his head, and walked away. Later he sent my mom to ask me if I’m gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 427

By anonymous - 19/08/2013 05:41 - United States - Lamar

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 385

You deserved it 3 058

By spiritbeast33 - 11/09/2013 06:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 438

You deserved it 13 567

By Asterisk1009 - 29/06/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents that I'm gay. My mom said "Yeah, we know." When I asked how they knew, my dad, without looking up from the tv, said, "We've been monitoring your Internet history." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 659

You deserved it 17 086

Not the best reaction

By Mark - 31/08/2021 15:01

Today, I came out as gay to my dad on Whatsapp. The only thing he replied was, "I'll ever talk to you again when you stop being a pussy." He then blocked me from everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 235

Are you experienced?

By ugh - 11/03/2013 11:33 - United States - Easthampton

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 592

You deserved it 27 047

By not gay in AL - 11/05/2014 17:57 - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 389

You deserved it 5 486

Denial

By TedX - 19/08/2020 20:07

Today, at 18, I finally told my mom I was gay. She spent the rest of the day bringing up my "future wife" at every possible chance she had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 247

By mothtal - 03/06/2012 16:13 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 563

You deserved it 2 266

iiVas 10

Monday 25 January 2016 14:05

Looks like your dad saw the opportunity to make that joke and took it xD

igg125 30

Monday 25 January 2016 14:08

He means butt pussy.

Comments

MarkTheMintMan 21

Monday 25 January 2016 15:06

Your dad sounds like a cool guy!

LPac5295 27

Monday 25 January 2016 15:24

So how'd the date go? Did you tear dat ass up?

SmittyJA24 26

Monday 25 January 2016 15:51

You're gay & fail to realize a male person can be referred to as "a pussy"? C'mon now.....

meli1195 31

Tuesday 26 January 2016 7:53

not really

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Monday 25 January 2016 15:56

Your dad is a class act

snowflake2410 3

Monday 25 January 2016 16:17

Lol this actually made me laugh.

PhoenixChick 26

Monday 25 January 2016 17:29

Boy pussy. It's a thing. There's an amazing music video about it.

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Monday 25 January 2016 17:40

Does he accept you for who you are?

SolomonGrunty 8

Monday 25 January 2016 18:03

Manpussy

O0hdear 21

Monday 25 January 2016 18:13

horrible dad joke.

sammiaaron 16

Monday 25 January 2016 19:03

LOL he's funny for that. he probably always wanted to say that to you haha

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, there was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, so I said, "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 423

You deserved it 13 444

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 3 941

The Top

Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 571

You deserved it 3 126

Today, while on Grindr, I met a guy who seemed really nice and we hit it off. After chatting for a bit, I received a message from his wife, telling me I'd better leave him alone. This isn't the first time that's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 295

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. She was looking for the remote, blindly trying to put her hand into the sofa. Instead, she shoved her hand down the back of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 236

Today, I took my kids to the park. I saw my daughter playing with a kid who looked familiar. Turns out he was my ex’s son, whom I haven’t seen in years. I thought it was cute they played so well together, until my ex’s new girlfriend came over, screaming that I was trying to use my kid to get to her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 458

You deserved it 183

Today, I met my paternal grandparents for the first time, since my dad was never in my life and my mom wouldn’t talk about him. According to them, I have at least 28 other siblings from him, and who knows how many that haven’t come forward. No wonder my mom always hated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 016

You deserved it 133

Today, it's been the fourth day in the row my pregnant girlfriend peed the bed. It's also the fourth day I have to clean it since she's too embarrassed to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 421