Weird, Parents and Miscellaneous: Dad jokes

Dad jokes

By thefuck - 30/06/2013 22:08 - Ireland - Ballyjamesduff

Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 939

You deserved it 3 673

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Same thing different taste

By cl3v3l4nd5t34m3r - 04/06/2012 20:34 - United States - Geneva

Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 887

You deserved it 4 494

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 05:18 - Canada

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 553

You deserved it 2 159

What's going on?

By Damn - 26/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out my dad goes to therapy. Confused, I asked him what was going on. He said, "You" without any hesitation. I don't know if he's joking or not. If he is, I don't find that very funny. If he's not, I don't even know what I've done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 161

Spooky!

By Anonymous - 16/01/2015 16:22 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 067

You deserved it 2 361

By eggs - 28/02/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 404

You deserved it 9 219

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 23:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 010

You deserved it 5 516

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 579

You deserved it 2 558

By psychic parents, how do they work? :( - 31/07/2013 22:49 - United States - Effingham

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 700

You deserved it 47 503

That one weird kid

By shellski - 21/01/2012 01:21 - United States

Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know…" and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 775

You deserved it 2 348

By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 01:48 - Canada

Today, I came home from school to find almost every single personal possession and piece of furniture from my bedroom all laid out or disassembled in the back yard. My dad smugly told me I'd better start moving it all back. This is his revenge for me salting his coffee this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 176

You deserved it 41 138

JasonUMN 15

Monday 1 July 2013 1:57

Well, do you have a problem with it?

Nordrag 26

Monday 1 July 2013 1:59

Egg his car. Reply the same way. Wait for results. (Warning: I am in no way liable to any injuries sustained during the course of action recommended above.)

Comments

worldclassrager 39

Monday 1 July 2013 2:05

If it was a joke that's just cruel...when you know it's him egg his house...

cuppycakeslove 20

Monday 1 July 2013 2:44

It's not cruel, he's just got a sense of humor

worldclassrager 39

Monday 1 July 2013 7:19

True...some comments I do leave after realizing the literal point of the FML...and this was one of them...

AboveAll04 14

Monday 1 July 2013 2:23

Father of the year right there !

djinnyf 12

Monday 1 July 2013 2:27

Maybe he wants a new house painting, paid by the insurance company?!

shibeep 12

Monday 1 July 2013 2:38

Seriously gonna do this too my son one day

MilkyFilmz 26

Monday 1 July 2013 6:28

Who says you won't have a daughter? Anyways you would make a suckish parent.

Grayness_ 26

Monday 1 July 2013 3:05

Maybe he did do it and he wants you to be a man and pull **** from ******* ass !!! (Too much Spartacus haha )

jessBeAqueen 13

Monday 1 July 2013 3:06

what an egghead.

arre2006 19

Monday 1 July 2013 3:12

You got personal problems if you're still being bullied by your dad

olpally 32

Monday 1 July 2013 3:13

Your dads an idiot jokster... Who the **** does that anyways? Sue him and Get money from him. That's ******* ridiculous.

olpally 32

Monday 1 July 2013 4:50

Never mind the suing part. Op is in Ireland and idk what the law says about this...

CharresBarkrey 15

Monday 1 July 2013 7:22

Can you even sue someone for egging your house in any country?

Neyuu 18

Monday 1 July 2013 13:41

It's okay guys, he's American. It's tradition to sue everybody.

ileenefudge 29

Tuesday 2 July 2013 9:53

I guess I'm breaking tradition then, because I don't believe in sueing everybody. I have never had to go through that and hopefully never will. Oh and by the way I'm American, but I agree that stupid comments like the one posted adds to the stereotype that all Americans like to sue each other. Thankfully I'm not one of them.