He obviously has a fart fetish, OP. Play along and let one rip! He'll get more turned on then a hormonal enraged 13 year old boy!

next time lay on the kitchen table with food all over your body

Next time dress in your teddy, cover yourself in soy sauce and balance pieces of sushi on your body, and fill your orifices with Sake while lying on a table ;D It's a really big thing in Japan!

You should of said follow me let him watch you cook dinner in your outfit then tease him a little after he's done eating.

Marriage has taught me that a wife is like a burrito. It looks nice and hot on the outside, all dressed up and looking delicious. You get all excited at the idea of diving into it. But if you wait too long to get down to business, it turns cold and mushy. Try throwing her in the microwave on high for about 45 seconds. That usually works for me. Um...wait...

>"spicing up my husband's and my's sex life" >"my husband's and my's" >"and my's" wut?

that's when you say "me" lol jk

YDI. You should know the conditions/times of day/apparel/actions that will interest your husband by now. Presenting a cookie-cutter sex invitation when he's likely tired from work and hungry is doomed to fail. Be more considerate.

OP, consider this: you don't always have sex when your husband requests it. It is reasonable to assume that (heaven forbid) there are going to be times when you want sex but your husband isn't in the mood, has a headache or happens to be on his time of the month. The farting and request for dinner is just him asserting his male dominance and you should appreciate him for it, regardless of the foul odour.

so I chuckled when I read your post. I showed it to my wife and her response was, sounds like something you would do. FML