Intimacy: Dirty talk

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 311

You deserved it 4 753

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Same thing different taste

Meh

By Meh - 18/07/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex Tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was naked and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 149

You deserved it 8 550

Hi Honey, I'm home

By seminole711 - 20/09/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 160

You deserved it 6 981

By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 939

You deserved it 7 680

It's business time

By anonymous - 17/03/2015 05:09 - United States - Spokane

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 216

You deserved it 4 109

Whatever floats your boat

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 11:48 - France - Belloy-en-france

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 697

You deserved it 5 057

By anonymous - 03/06/2013 04:41 - United States - Banner Elk

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 963

You deserved it 18 305

By sissica - 11/02/2009 23:52 - United States

Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 198

You deserved it 6 631

Jumping to conclusions

By Anonymous - 08/03/2015 10:33 - United Kingdom - The Hyde

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 787

You deserved it 3 577

DJ Perfectionist

By ImOverHere - 02/09/2012 16:56 - United States - Whitehouse

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 056

You deserved it 3 109

The best laid plans…

By Anonymous - 03/02/2023 18:00

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by cooking her dinner. I spent hours preparing and making sure everything was perfect. I lit candles, set the table, and even put on some soft music. When she came home, she'd already eaten and wasn't hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 151

chocolatechocha 8

Sunday 5 December 2010 16:39

lol@ people thinking she put on a Teddy bear suit. smh

marylovesyou8D 7

Sunday 5 December 2010 19:04

She was probably thinking about putting on a teddy bear... teddy confused me too.

Comments

lollipopXx 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 22:17

now that's a good marriage!

mimealot 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 23:06

Dinner probably would have been sexier in the first place, the way to a mans heart is through his stomach

angrynegro7 16

Sunday 5 December 2010 23:46

Maybe you should have warned your husband that you were a Furry.!

Accept 11

Sunday 5 December 2010 23:55

He's obviously not sexually attracted to you anymore YDI

Zlappy 0

Monday 6 December 2010 0:06

This is when you throw back at him with the same amount of sexism. Look him right in the eye and say "A Sandwich & a Beer" Then start yelling at him for not bringing home enough cash, not doing repairs on the house and car himself and for forgetting your anniversary. Then laugh put his bed stuff on the couch and tell him he can come back in the bedroom when he stops being a sexist and realizes that he still loves you. Or ya' know go to the internet and bitch about it instead of confronting him lol!