Miscellaneous: Do I know you?

Do I know you?

By goblue - 21/12/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 469

You deserved it 3 174

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 346

You deserved it 57 819

By CollegeFreshman - 11/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 610

You deserved it 3 749

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 791

With friends like these…

By marz88 - 24/10/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 697

You deserved it 7 135

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 629

You deserved it 34 437

Party hard

By vcarder - 04/10/2013 20:25 - United States - Newton

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 978

You deserved it 43 182

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 102

By Anonymous - 15/05/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 674

You deserved it 4 572

By Anonymous - 19/08/2009 22:31 - Canada

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend had said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth, and laughed before she passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 122

You deserved it 4 709

College life

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 11:33 - Germany

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 990

You deserved it 2 363

W76 0

Monday 21 December 2009 12:14

You not lock your apartment?

LilaBear 1

Monday 21 December 2009 13:34

I second, third, fourth, and tenth everybody who's already asked why your door wasn't locked.

Comments

blueknight1st 26

Monday 21 December 2009 18:41

It's called a lock. Use it.

happyhak 5

Monday 21 December 2009 18:44

#21, if you knew about life, then you would know that it IS possible to collapse while running into a door so the thud was probably both those things. Learn english and get a life please.

nothinelse115 0

Monday 21 December 2009 19:23

wth #23 nothing is wrong with Michigan, this could happen anywhere and you know it.

spitfire35 3

Monday 21 December 2009 20:41

#s 28, 27 and 21, if you are replying to someone, use the damn reply button.

CallMeHush 0

Monday 21 December 2009 20:44

Since you had to clean puke anyway you should have hit your gag reflex and sent her home with some of your brand.

TRANscend08 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 11:43

Win.

xxreikoxx 31

Monday 21 December 2009 21:41

The OP must be next door buddies with my ex. Both of them fail at door-locking. As for those who said that he should've banged her, I highly doubt that any guy in his right mind would want to touch a drunk who's just vomited inside of his doorway, It's bad enough that he had to clean up her mess. Make the dad do it. =]

EveryDayJackAss 0

Monday 21 December 2009 21:51

think about it......a DRUNK person just OPENED your door while it wasn't fkin LOCKED.....talk about a fail. And to the dumbass perverts, i don't think i would knock up a girl that could puke all over you at any given moment.

mwschreck 0

Tuesday 22 December 2009 1:27

Do her from behind, then if she pukes you don't have to worry about it. Duh.

BritishHobo 0

Tuesday 22 December 2009 2:21

Yeah, cos the puke would be the wrong part of that...

countrygirl0118 6

Monday 21 December 2009 23:59

why is it that everytime somebody says something that involves a woman a million dumb people comment 'did you **** her', they obviously must not be getting any or they wouldn't have that perverted thought on their minds all the time. back to you op, a) should have called the cops, b) should have made her clean the puke before she was arrested and c) ALWAYS LOCK YOUR DOOR, i have 3 locks, a regular lock, a deadbolt and a chain lock, at least get a chain lock...

Kilroy_fml 0

Tuesday 22 December 2009 1:50

Deadbolt is the best but it sucks when you accidentally lock urself out, bang on the door, and then someone opens the door and u have to listen to them say "It was open" when it wasn't open from the other side. GOD I hate that!