Sex, Drunk and Intimacy: Drunken antics

Drunken antics

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 539

You deserved it 87 600

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Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 554

By Wow - 11/04/2013 12:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 253

You deserved it 19 307

By whereismyprince? - 18/12/2013 17:01 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 616

You deserved it 7 451

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 882

You deserved it 11 310

By blackntangirl - 18/07/2009 23:31 - United States

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 424

You deserved it 14 013

Sounds like quite the catch

By Brooke - 14/08/2015 16:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 795

You deserved it 2 358

By anon - 27/07/2015 04:43 - United States

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 555

You deserved it 5 951

Love is love

By Anonymous - 27/03/2022 01:59

Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 942

You deserved it 778

By bobin - 29/08/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 290

You deserved it 6 318

By Anonymous - 18/04/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 617

You deserved it 8 230

ffpoisongirl 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:15

Come on honey, never insult a guy about his downstairs mixup. He'll lash out. No offense, but YDI.

LuckyCharms_fml 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:14

He was just pissed off his junk was malfunctioning

Comments

lifesabit 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:38

#72... did you just say "should know" and "drinking" in the same sentence? A bit of a paradox no? And guys say that but only the asses say that to the girl's face... and the bitches tell it to the guy's face.

Iloveblackmen 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:40

#91-Wow, Baby_Love seams to be so popular on this post. *Sarcasm*

KeithHarris 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:40

Thank you #91. btw nice deathnote pic. totemo ii desu nee oh and #90. Gracias Senorita for saying I'm cute. Call me. :-D jk. Hell maybe I could meet ya at the bar if I could get the thought of women farting in their sleep outta my head.

TBD3 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:43

Wow, you not only bring a random guy whom you have just met home, but you also insult him? You deserved this one.

Iloveblackmen 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:43

#95, I beleive I'm a tad bit too young for you :P But I know I deffinetly do not fart in my sleep.

KeithHarris 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:45

#95 hmmmmm let me think on that one and I'll get back to you. Is every girl jailbait on this site. *sigh... Well when you're older my number is (415)....... :-D lol

SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:51

#95 No problem, and thank you at the same time. =]

KeithHarris 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 1:52

#95 I mean #97 but yeah. Ms. "iloveblackmen" black men everywhere love you too lol. I think I've reached my post limit for fmylife. they're gonna cut me off if I put anything else up. :-D So like I said. Call me. :-D I'm out.