Sex, Drunk and Intimacy: Drunken antics

Drunken antics

By Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 539

You deserved it 87 600

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Same thing different taste

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 554

By Wow - 11/04/2013 12:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 253

You deserved it 19 307

By whereismyprince? - 18/12/2013 17:01 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 616

You deserved it 7 451

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 882

You deserved it 11 310

By blackntangirl - 18/07/2009 23:31 - United States

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 424

You deserved it 14 013

Sounds like quite the catch

By Brooke - 14/08/2015 16:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 795

You deserved it 2 358

By anon - 27/07/2015 04:43 - United States

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 555

You deserved it 5 951

Love is love

By Anonymous - 27/03/2022 01:59

Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 942

You deserved it 778

By bobin - 29/08/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 290

You deserved it 6 318

By Anonymous - 18/04/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 617

You deserved it 8 230

ffpoisongirl 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:15

Come on honey, never insult a guy about his downstairs mixup. He'll lash out. No offense, but YDI.

LuckyCharms_fml 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:14

He was just pissed off his junk was malfunctioning

Comments

jess_laird4828 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 6:53

That is the funnyest ******* thing i have ever read like holy shit

WeeZ_eR 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 15:45

Well if you're gonna be a bitch and sleep with random people you don't know then the least you could do is avoid making fun of their package. YDI.

PredyJessica 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 7:39

you'd think he would be so drunk to forget you said that...i guess he was that pissed o.o"

robodoll 0

Monday 1 June 2009 23:16

Sorry you wasted your time... I think it's lame what his note said to you. There's only so much one can do to prevent that.

daarlingdamsel 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 8:40

Diseases are spread by bringing random people home from bars. This wouldn't have happened if you would keep your legs shut and only sleep with guys you are dating!!

Austin342 13

Sunday 30 October 2011 7:02

the world needs hoes! They make the world go round

withered 30

Monday 4 July 2016 13:03

There is this wild thing called protection. And it would be selfish to date someone solely because you want sex. If you want nothing more than sex then one night stands / **** friend is the only option. And if they want to **** they should and they will.

silly_kate 0

Wednesday 10 June 2009 13:19

ha ha ha, owned

Sadface01 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 9:11

wow that sucks that would never happen to me i got so shitfaced once i screwed some hoe i said in the night you should be careful or some shit woke up she left a note saying maybe you should stop snoring so loudly it was the funniest most patthetic comeback ever i laughed until i passed otu then she came in my room and called 911 cause i passed out laughing man that was the best time of my life so you want to go out...