Intimacy: DUDE! WTF?

DUDE! WTF?

By imanidiot - 03/03/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I'd been sat in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars, and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through, I heard a tap on my driver's window. It was a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 265

You deserved it 152 457

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Same thing different taste

What he is thinking?

By fishyrael - 12/11/2019 01:00

Today, I was on a long road trip and I really had to pee. With no rest stop for miles and night having fallen, I decided to pull over on the side of the highway and pee in a fast food cup. A cop knocked on the window to see if everything was okay, while I was mid-squat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 299

By suzanneallen - 11/09/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 128

You deserved it 40 967

By mentallyscarred - 31/01/2011 09:34 - United States

Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 162

You deserved it 4 709

By Anonymous - 20/08/2015 17:25 - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 082

You deserved it 2 846

By someoneneedsassistance - 24/04/2015 15:07 - United States - Woodford

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 346

You deserved it 4 029

By tvaladie - 17/04/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 147

You deserved it 350 375

Move!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 15:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting at a traffic light when a cute girl appeared at the side of the road. I sat and watched her until she had crossed, when I realised that I had missed the light. A large queue of cars had built up behind me, yet none of them used their horn because I was driving my police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 602

You deserved it 54 276

Hello hello hello

By Bonnie and Clyde - 08/05/2015 02:18 - United States - Humble

Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 096

You deserved it 9 350

Kinda sus

By kmf - 10/08/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We started going at it and we were both butt naked when I saw a car pull into the lot. Not only was it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asked my girlfriend was, "Are you being held against your will?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 148

You deserved it 14 382

By TheIrony - 19/07/2016 21:50 - United States

Today, while driving I saw a police car riding along next to me. Thinking about the news recently, I decided to give him a quick thumbs up and a smile to lighten up his day. He looks back, smiles, flips on his siren, and pulls me over for not paying attention to the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 184

You deserved it 3 546

imversatile 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:02

How in the world did you think nobody would see you?? Doesn't your car have windows like the rest of us?

Sora_fml 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:12

lmao, shoulda told him that it itched, you were just scratching. Or ask if he wanted to join in.

Comments

othisbeast 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:39

wow ur gay

sahreeg 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:39

yr now allowed to do that ???? O_O NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crabby 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:47

You should only do this when your car is moving, not when it's stopped!

AmericanRedcoat 6

Wednesday 5 October 2011 21:58

you could all it stick shift! XD

Brainnnnz 19

Wednesday 20 August 2014 20:18

Uhh... what?

nat66623 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:56

Eww how gross are you!!!

Bubs_fml 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:03

I've been bored, stuck in traffic. But never that bored! Have some self control!

jESuS_lOVeS_mE69 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:09

Now you need 2 tissues. 1 to clean yourself up and another to wipe away the tears of embarrasment

Huzzy11 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 16:06

use the same tissue!!

Brainnnnz 19

Wednesday 20 August 2014 20:19

Oh yes!

bongo200 1

Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:12

Seriously?...YOu jacked off in the car?.... what the hell is wrong with you?

jESuS_lOVeS_mE69 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:25

Good thing he wasn't stuck in traffic on the bus

rachelforgot2 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:28

ha ya i tried that once gotta be moving and havea blanket covreing your lap! but it may be easier for a girl??

Brainnnnz 19

Wednesday 20 August 2014 20:21

Nice! Tell us more!

NoKo_fml 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:39

tint ur windows to alteast 20% fool

Keywords

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Today, I had a blind date that my friend set me up for. My date was the ugliest, most disgusting person you will ever meet, but I thought that I would give him a chance. He saw me, eyed me up and down, then said to my friend, "You're kidding, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 487

You deserved it 9 910

Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 400

You deserved it 43 080

The Top

Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 442

You deserved it 2 149

Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 799

You deserved it 3 699

Today, my dad explained to me the "chain of command" for our house. McKinley, Mom, himself, Charlie, then me. McKinley is my two year old daughter and Charlie is the dog. He was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 118

You deserved it 5 724

Today, I found out that my mother cheated on my father. It turns out she had a drunken one night stand with the manager of the restaurant that my parents own, and where I work. The same manager I have been secretly sleeping with for over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 880

You deserved it 10 493

Today, after reading and listening to stories about cheating and failed relationships, I realized that my infatuation for a coworker has begun to dwindle. I don't think I'm psychologically strong enough to recover a failed relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 282

Today, I was having a great time shopping with my gran, until she started complaining about all the foreigners ruining our town, and counting each person who didn't look 100% British. It wouldn't even have been so bad if I wasn't adopted into the family, from Russia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 718

You deserved it 3 078

DUDE! WTF?

Same thing different taste

What he is thinking?

Move!

Hello hello hello

Kinda sus

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