Health, Poopoo peepee, Weird and Haircut: Eyepatch nightmare - FML

Eyepatch nightmare

By 1eyedpirate - 08/10/2023 00:02

Today, after years of my husband offering to trim my bangs, I finally let him. On the first snip he managed to cut the skin beneath my eyebrow. Ten minutes before that, our newborn shat all over me, even getting it in my hair. To make me feel better, since we have a parrot, my husband said that I could finally fulfill my dreams of being a pirate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 161

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Same thing different taste

Polly Want a Wax

By Baldy - 07/09/2017 13:00

Today, I was using pre-waxed strips to wax my eyebrows when my parrot investigated by walking through them. He then screamed, flew into my hair, thrashed around, and got stuck. I now have two bald spots and two parrot bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 697

You deserved it 656

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 430

You deserved it 19 341

Halved

By Anonymous - 04/09/2019 14:00

Today, I went to the hair salon to get a fresh trim before receiving my master's diploma. The hairdresser managed to shave off half my eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 119

By anonamous - 17/07/2009 16:59 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 230

You deserved it 96 728

By missedout - 05/02/2013 22:48 - United States - York

Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 635

You deserved it 3 274

By ellieowenie - 29/07/2012 08:11 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 753

You deserved it 3 438

By No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 985

You deserved it 486

By poophead - 30/05/2015 02:39 - Philippines

Today, I went to a fancy beauty parlor to prepare for my sister's birthday party. The minute I stepped out of the salon, with my hair beautifully trimmed and curled, a bird decided to use it as a toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 766

You deserved it 2 565

By honey soy - 29/01/2012 06:31 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was flying his toy helicopter at my head. It got stuck in my hair and I now have a bald patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 950

You deserved it 3 510

Hatchet job

By Anonymous - 24/01/2018 01:30

Today, I got my hair trimmed to look fresh for my sister's wedding this week. The woman messed up so badly that the manager had to step in and fix it. I lost 8 inches of hair and my dad keeps telling me I look like a medieval stable boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 202

You deserved it 367

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Top comments

Yudith 24

Sunday 8 October 2023 18:33

Fulfill your dreams of being a pirate by having your husband walk the plank, and maroon him on the living room sofa for a bit.

Comments

Yudith 24

Sunday 8 October 2023 18:33

Fulfill your dreams of being a pirate by having your husband walk the plank, and maroon him on the living room sofa for a bit.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Neighbours Awkward Wanker Halloween Lonely Love Party Jealousy Family Argument Fight Animals Cats Parents Health Embarrassing Sports Shopping Medication Birds Anger issues Weddings Pranks YouTube TikTok Dogs Cute Work AITA

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I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 11

Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 007

You deserved it 14 245

The Top

Today, I got a $60 parking ticket for not paying the $2.50 pay-to-park fee. I checked my bank records, which proved that I'd paid the fee, for the correct space too. The problem is the fine is too small to contest in traffic court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 875

You deserved it 919

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 705

You deserved it 4 826

Today, I agreed to go on a bike ride with my boss, even though I think he's crazy. We rode for a few miles, then he decided it was time to merge onto the freeway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 103

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 867

You deserved it 2 093

Today, I told my boyfriend that I gained a few pounds and thought I looked fat. He replied that I looked the same and that I shouldn't worry because he likes fat girls. I never thought I was fat before this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 947

You deserved it 18 641

Today, my housemate saw some stuff in the barn, thought I surely wouldn’t be using it, so he stacked lots of lawn furniture on top. The “stuff” in question? Bales of hay. As in, daily food for my horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 95